A BUDDHIST RETREAT FROM A NON-BUDDHIST PERSPECTIVE - PART 3

     Today I continue my journal on my experience at the Thich Nhat Hanh retreat in Estes Park, CO in August.  I begin with my usual gratitude list.
     I am grateful for Thich Nhat Hanh, for a beautiful day in Colorado, for the sleep this a.m., for the nourishing food, for beautiful people.  For these and all my blessings thank you Creator.
     Today is day 2 of the retreat and I've gotten off to an interesting start.  First I had trouble getting to sleep last night but I didn't allow myself to be stressed.  Everything is always fine just the way it is.  Then my roommate woke me at 5:30 a.m. because we'd overslept.  Well there was no way I was going to be able to get dressed and be at the sitting meditation in fifteen minutes so I rolled over and went back to sleep.  1 hour later, I dressed and went to breakfast.  I thought I was doing pretty good on my mindfulness eating until the coffee overflowed my cup and I spilled it everywhere.  Ah such is life :)  But the day is improving.  I'm sitting out in the sun looking at beautiful Longs Peak.  Gorgeous!!!  If there is no God I wonder who dreamed up these mountains. 
     One of the things waking up late did for me is remind me that I'm a metaphysicist, a believer in New Thought, not a Buddhist.  I don't have to get up early...I'm pausing because the teens are on a walking meditation and have paused behind me to look at the magnificent mountains...An way, back to my new thought...I believe that life doesn't have to be hard if you just go with the flow.  I'm not a morning person so getting up at 5 a.m. is grueling for me.  But I CHOOSE to get up because I love the energy of being in a room full of like-minded people who are meditating.  But then, if the alarm doesn't go off, who am I to get upset because I didn't meditate in a room full of people.  I can meditate anytime.  Which I plan to do right now...Back in a few minutes....
     Now I am in the Assembly Hall.  Like me, many people came early to get a good seat.  Of course the only really good seats are right up front where you have to sit on pillows.  Not for me.  I'll come back to my writing soon since they have started the singing.
     Teachings of Thay:
      Every home should have a bell to ring occasionally and when the bell rings everyone should stop, cease talking and breathe in and out 3 times.  In the 21st century every home should have a meditation hall with a bell, cushions & a pot of flowers.  Call it The Breathing Room:  it is the territory of the Buddha.
      Pebble Meditation (the 4 pebbles): 
      Breathing In I see myself as a flower
      Breathing out I feel free
      Breathing In I see myself as a mountain
      Breathing out I feel solid
      Breathing in I see myself as water
      Breathing out I feel myself reflecting what is true, what is real
      Breathing in I see myself as space
      Breathing out I feel freedom
Thay took a drink and said "Yesterday it was a cloud, today it is my tea."
      Sidebar:  While I was eating I would set my fork or spoon on the tray and wait while I chewed.  Crazily at first my hand kept twitching as if it wanted to touch the fork.
       Back to the teachings:
       Meditators can see many things that others can not see:  They can see the seed of corn in the tall stalk of corn.  When you look at a child you can see their mother and their father: (I think of my new great-niece Jade - the newest addition to our family.  She contains so much of both Keely and Phil.)  Paradise is the weather inside the mother's womb.  You can be angry with your father and say you don't want to have anything to do with him but what you say is funny.  Your father is always inside of you.
        We carry all our ancestors inside us.  Genetics, minerals, vegetables and animal ancestors are all inside of us. - Buddha, Jesus - nothing can die, everything carries on in different forms.
         Walking meditations with peace, joy, mindfulnesss and insight can heal Mother Earth.  Take only one step and say "I have arrived."  Let go of the past, let go of the future and if you have not arrived don't take another step.  THE MIRACLE IS TO WALK ON EARTH.
          (In my estimation Thay is healing the divide between Buddhism and Christianity by living in the here and now.  He does not shy away from talking about Jesus's teachings.  HOORAY!)
           Breath in - I have arrived, arrived
           Breath out - I am home, home, home
           This means that in the present moment I am in the Kingdom of God, I am in the Buddha land.
           Suffering is necessary but too much/overdosing is not good.  If you are a psychotherapist you should not just allow your client to talk only about the suffering but to express what is positive in them too. 
          PRACTICING MINDFULNESS:
          1. Breath In
          2. Breath Out
          3.  Recognize the body
          4. Release tension in the body - our body is like the tree; in the time of storm (or strong emotions) we must bring attention down below the navel (the trunk) and breath deep into the trunk.  When we feel the storm coming we might want to lie down or sit and put our fingers on our abdomen and concentrate on our breathing - in & out.  The area of our being is large and the emotion is very small - just one part of who we are.  It is good to learn the practice of deep breathing before the emotions or storm arise.
         5. Touch the sorrow inside you
         6.  Bring yourself to joy and happiness
         7.  Recognize the power fulling
         8.  Embrace the painfulness with the image of mindfulness - if you are new to mindfulness practice and can not yet touch the pain, you can sit in your Sangha and they will provide you with the healing energy needed to touch your pain.  Every practitioner should learn to take refuge in their Sangha and receive nourishment. (To me my close friends support me like a sangha).  Collecting energy from a sangha allows people to embrace their pain and sorrows. 
          9.  Become aware of what happens in our mind - the mental formation - a flower is a formation of many non flower elements.  Anger and fear are mental formations.  There are 51 categories of mental formations, both negative and positive.  They sit inside us like seeds.  The totality of the seeds are all within us and we can turn to any one of the 51 channels inside of us.  When the seed is watered it grows into the mind consciousness and becomes a mental formation.  Our mind (consciousness) is a river of mental formations and mindfulness is the practice of sitting on the river bank and observing the mental formations as they form and go.
          10.  To energize our mind - to make the landscape of our mind more beautiful.  Taking the positive formations and decorating our consciousness with these seeds then grow them.
               Practice of Right Diligence - 4 aspects
                     1.  Don't touch the seeds of negativity - we have the seeds inside of us but don't water them.  Many television shows can water the negative seeds such as anger, fear, despair, jealousy.
                     2.  If a negative seed grows send it home - you can do this by bringing another positive seed up (change the channel - invite something good to come in).
                     3.  Bring the positive seeds up.  Do things to help nurture and grow the positive seeds so they become good mental formations, so that the mind is filled with beautiful formations (coming to this retreat, meditating daily, yoga, prayer, mindfulness) water only the flowers not the weeds that strangle the flowers.
                    4.  Once the good seed has manifested into a mental formation try to keep it in the consciousness as long as possible - Practice of the transformation at the base (my thoughts:  strengthening the neuronetworks for the positive - learned happiness)
        11.  Concentrating the mind
        12.  Liberating the mind

     Now I head to the walking meditation.  My plan is to walk at the back of the group today instead of the front to experience another view.  I just realized how hungry I am.  Portion control was part of my breakfast.  It has already taken hold of my body.  Maybe I'll increase my portion tomorrow morning.
     Many experiences came to me at the back of the bus.  First I really wasn't in any hurry whatsoever.  I really got into the motion of the walking.  Breathing In "I have arrived."  Breathing out "I am home." 
     The weather is spectacular and the clouds are so low you can almost touch them.  Of course, I am up at 8000 feet so that might have something to do with why the seem so close...they are.  At the back of the group I could see the magnitude of the 900 people practicing mindfulness walking.
     When we arrived at the clearing where Thay stopped I never saw him, but I saw the trees and the mountains and the flowers and the sage and the people watching Thay.  Here's a big lesson I learned today:  Breathing In and out and being aware of your steps doesn't mean you are in the NOW.  I was watching a guy really take in a tree and in that instant I was transported to my cabin and all the wonderful walks I have taken there, so many of them in mindfulness.  Then I became aware of my suffering (sorrow at the selling of the cabin, sorrow at my dog's death, my husband's death, the complete change in my whole past life).   I was no longer in the NOW.  I was definitely in the past.  Then I remembered Thay's teachings to breathe and to embrace the sorrow and I became aware that I have the choice of being in the past or having that same cabin experience right now in the present.  So I breathed in and changed my perspective to the present, which reminded me (through insight) that I have these wonderful joyful memories of those times at the cabin and that I can in the future (Source willing) have many more beautiful mountain cabin experiences to come...just not the same cabin.  Yea!  I am definitely learning something (smile).  Now it is time to eat!!!
     I am at a meeting on touching mindfulness in our spiritual ancestors.  Thay states that he did not come to the west to convert everyone to Buddhism.  He came for us to learn mindfulness in our current spiritual practice.  Our spiritual traditions bring us a depth of our humanness and the potential for our own breakthroughs. One of the speakers talked of Theresa of Avila and the mystical traditions of Catholicism and how they have shaped our lives.  Evidence is coming out that contemplative practices evolve our neurological evolution. (Sidebar:  I thank my mother for having her own form of contemplativeness for she taught me to see the mystical in everything and to pray to the God within me.  I have to remember to forgive the humanness of religions because they are only as divine as humans are divine and since no human is perfect....enough said. (This concept was something my sister taught me.  Thanks Anne!).  Spirituality isn't about belief it's about PRACTICE.  What you embody in your every day life.  Spirituality is NOT ABOUT DOGMA. 
    The day has been nonstop and I still find myself thinking about Mindfulness practice.  Not about the practices of Buddha but the practices taught by Thay, which encompass not only the Buddhist traditions but all traditions that encourage meditation and mindfulness.  The encouraging thing to me about being at this retreat is the number of men here.  It warms my heart to know that there are men out there who have a spiritual practice who don't necessarily have to be recovering alcoholics. 
     I just picked up a flyer for this same type of retreat being held in Ireland in April 2012.  I may just have to think about attending.
    I am sitting in the meditation hall waiting for the talk on the 5 mindfulness trainings.  My head is full and I'm not sure what more I can put into it.  (I left early because to me so much of the Buddhist trainings are focused on "suffering" and I prefer to focus on the positive "goodness" in life.  I believe there is no good and no bad, everything is what it is.  Humanity puts the judgment on everything.    Besides I'm not planning to give up meat and alcohol anytime soon and  I no longer want to "give up" anything.  For me I will use the Buddhist teachings to enrich my metaphysical beliefs not the other way around.)
    I applaud the people who have changed their lives through the Buddhist beliefs and I will use the meditation practices and leave the rest.  See my aversion to the Buddhist religion (though Buddhists tell me they aren't a religion but a practice) goes back to my aversion to anything overly organized. 
     It's been a great day and I've enjoyed all that I've learned and I'm ready for sleep and tomorrows adventures.  Nighty Night!



       

A BUDDHIST RETREAT FROM A NON-BUDDHIST PERSPECTIVE

     Today's blog is a continuation of my experience at the Thich Nhat Hanh retreat at the YMCA camp in Estes Park, CO from August 19th - 24th, 2011.  The following is from Saturday, August 20th, Day 2 of the incredible retreat as I wrote about my experiences in my personal journal.  At the start of all my journal entries I write 5 items that make me grateful.  So I will begin with my gratitude list that day. 
     I am grateful for a wonderful night's sleep, for a new friendship, for the clear, awesome mountain air, for all these peaceful people, for love in my heart.  For these and all my spectacular bounty I thank you Creator. 
     I had a wonderful night's sleep, early morning rise and meditation, then yoga.  Now I head to breakfast and "COFFEE."  I'm not used to this early morning stuff but hey, it's good for me.  Without my Internet I didn't stay up so late so I received plenty of sleep.
     It's interesting how I get this sense of Catholicism in the Zen practice.  I wonder if this is how the early Christians practiced and the dogma just slowly got out of hand with the church's power and greed.  I have to admit I'm not overly fond of the ceremony side of all this but then I've never been a big "ceremony" type person.  I didn't even go to my 3 college graduations because I dislike ceremony.  I must admit that I do love the silence though.  I'm off now to mindfully eat.  More later.
      Here's a mind dump from Thay's talk.  No being and being - Suffering & Happiness - Father, Son & Holy Spirit is the same as Buddha, Dharma, & Sangha, and the same as Body, Mind, & Environment.  Here's an exercise Thay stepped us through:  Breath In - Breath Out, Follow Your breath In & Out, Be mindful of your body while breathing in and out, Touch the sorrow inside you, Bring yourself to Joy, Bring yourself to Happiness.  (I'm missing one step: oh well, I'll get it later).
      Observations during walking meditation with Thay.  I wished that my husband, Gary, were there with me.  I felt the sadness that he was not here.  I felt the gratitude to him for if I had not met and married him I would probably not be at a Buddhist retreat.  Not that he was Buddhist but he did open my perspective to eastern spirituality.  I loved being in the middle of a group of people who are mindfully walking.  The nonconformist in me had to step outside the crowd for awhile and follow my own path.  Following Thay felt uncomfortable from this recovering Catholic.  I don't follow any One person as I am eclectic in my spiritual pursuits.  There are lots of people taking pictures.  I have to wonder:  If Jesus were alive today would lots of people be taking his picture? 
      When Thay stopped, sat on the ground and mindfully meditated with the children I got the sense of what it must have felt like when all the people came to listen to Jesus.  Thay certainly has touched the Buddha (Christ Spirit) within him.  After the thought crossed my mind I became uncomfortable because he is a human like ALL the rest of us.  He's just better practiced at touching the Universal Spirit inside him.  I watched how the other monks & nuns protect Thay and it reminded me of what I have read about the disciples protecting Jesus.  Those humans who have touched the Christ/Buddha Spirit so deeply are vulnerable to those who would take advantage of them. 
      I am sitting in a wonderful moment as I watch this extremely fat chipmunk on the patio below my room's balcony.  I hope it doesn't starve this winter when the tourists are gone because obviously it has become a junk food junky.  Oh wait, there are tourists here all year round.  That's good news for that very fat chipmunk. 
      I am off to mindfully eat lunch in silence, then I will go make joyful music to the Lord, or Source in my vocabulary.  Tonight I want to write about the belief concepts concerning non being and well being.  It intrigues me and I want to consider it further.  Dying and Birth two sides of the same coin.  Oops the chipmunk is back.  Starving and Fat - Hungry and Full.  The flower is made up of non-flower parts.  I am made up of nonhuman parts.  The mind boggles and all is well.  (The mindfulness bell on my phone just rang.  Before the retreat I would have stopped for a moment and thought about the moment.  Now today (Sept. 2nd) I stop and breath in and breath out 3 times, following my breath all the way through:  Now back to the journal entry).
      This afternoon I attended a touch the earth meditation with Sister Chan Khong.  Here are my notes, taken before the meditation actually began.  Be still and Know, Be Sumatra and see clearly.  Qualities of Touching the Earth meditation:  Understanding deeply - remember that people are the fruit of their environment.  Great Compassion - looking and feeling and seeing beyond the unkindness.  Love Greatly - The earth can absorb greatly all that we give it.  Treasures of the Earth
      How to Transform the fear of death.  Use the 3 ancestors:  Blood ancestors, Environmental ancestors, Spiritual ancestors. (The meditation was powerful.  With each ancestor group we meditated on them, then touched the earth to get rid of any emotional baggage from them.)
      I am exhausted.  I took my bathing suit with me thinking I would swim but then I participated in the deep relaxation and touch the earth meditations I came close to falling asleep.  I realized then that I did not want to exhaust myself with swimming.  Maybe I'll try tomorrow.  MAYBE is the operative word. 
      It is a gorgeous day and I feel very refreshed, yet exhausted so I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the evening in whatever way I can and come back to the room and crash.  I went to the music group after lunch and enjoyed singing.  I played my native flute when they were playing in the key of C.  If I had known about the music sessions I would have brought one of my drums.  Tomorrow I will possibly lead a song with my flute.  We'll see.  I know me, I play something different every time I play the flute. 
     It is time for dinner.  A few minutes ago I wasn't hungry yet now I am.  I'm not overly fond of being vegan, but what the hey, it's only for a few days.  Let's see what dinner has to offer. 
     Now dinner is over.  I didn't mind the tofu fajitas and I loved the guacamole.  As I was walking around I was feeling very lonely and I started to go with the pity party of why I don't have someone in my life, why I don't allow people to touch me deeply.  But that is such an untrue statement, it almost makes me gag. (smiley face).  I have some wonderfully dear friends who I have opened up to and bore my soul with, especially when it came to Gary's death.  So how I could say that I don't open up to others is ridiculous.  As I walk and am mindful I'm thrilled to realize that I don't have to fall for that drivel in my head. 
     I like how I've gotten so caught up in this wonderful Buddhist retreat that I want to buy a meditation pillow.  NOT!  I do not want to convert to Buddhism.  I like being a Unitic/Metaphysicist/believer in the Universal One.  That does not mean I don't believe in the Buddha Spirit, I do...as much as I believe in the Christ Spirit.  I think where I am is just perfect for where I am.  I love how I get so passionately wrapped up in whatever it is I am experiencing.  I do know though, that I will probably never eat the same again, yet I have a long way to go to eat mindfully like some of the people I have watched here.  More on that later...
     While I wait for my so called Dharma group to arrive I will talk a little more about the eating.  Portion control, that is one of the major things I'm learning and one of the major issues in my life.  I ate three square meals today.  No meat and no cheese and yet I am stuffed.  Crazy stuffed.  One reason I'm stuffed is because I am bloated by all the veggies and beans.  But the other reason is because I was thinking that I would have to eat more in order to stay full.  WRONG!!
      Well I just went to my Dharma discussion a half hour early and was sitting there wondering why no one was showing up.  Oh well, it's a beautiful evening to sit at the picnic table and write.  So back to the food discussion: My portion size is the mindfulness I want to work on.  By this evening's meal I ate much less than I would have 2 days ago.  Mind you I'm still not overly fond of all the vegan stuff but it definitely is filling.  (Right at this moment I have pine sap on my arm because the picnic table where I'm sitting has pine sap on it.  My first thought was that it was marshmallow left over by some previous campers....until I smelled it.  I guess I have food on my brain.) 
      So back into Mindfulness.  The air has grown chilly.  I'll have to put my jacket on soon.  My Dharma Group is in the Arkansas Room and it is for people from Florida, Georgia, North Carolina and South Carolina.  I don't remember signing up for the geographic group....although I sort of remember.
     There are some serious Buddhists here.  To bad I'm not a Buddhist or I'd join a Sangha.  Maybe I will anyway so I can meet some like-minded people.  I don't have to become Buddhist to practice Zen meditation.  More about that later. 
     It is interesting that I made the above comment as the entire discussion in the Dharma discussion group had to do with the comments Thay made about the Kingdom of God, which was confusing to those who practice Buddhism.  Yet it was very exciting for me to hear the parallelism of Jesus and Buddha's teachings'.  I still believe that during those unrecorded years of Jesus's life he may have visited the wise men from the east and picked up some of the eastern spiritualism. 
     This has been a very exciting day and I'm looking forward to more tomorrow.  Oh yeah, in my Dharma group there is a lady from Fort Myers who belongs to a Mindfulness Group in Naples.  I'm going to definitely talk to her about it tomorrow.  Thank you Source for this magnificent day of love and peace and sharing.  I look with joy and happiness to more of the same tomorrow.  Thank you for bringing Thich Nhat Hanh into my life.  He is truly A MASTER!  AHO!