CHANGE OF ATTITUDE

    Sometimes I wonder how my life got to where it is. For one thing, I'm exhausted so I have to take anything I'm feeling with a grain of salt. I've been going non-stop for the past two months and today is the first day I had nothing planned except to go swimming. Then the phone rang and I found out I was supposed to be somewhere I didn't know I was supposed to be and I had 45 minutes to get there. Luckily another person agreed to take my place but still the whole situation unnerved me. It was then that I began to feel depressed and lonely. One thought, "why am I here?" started a downward spiral. How easily I can be swayed to go one way or another in my feelings. But the good news is that I don't like to feel depressed so I had to ask myself, "Why am I feeling depressed?" And the answer? Because I'm not really sure how my life got to where it is today. A real conundrum. Yet if I go backwards I can tell you the steps I took to get where I am right now. It all started with Gary dying. In 1989 I married Gary and believed I would be married for the rest of my life. Wrong...... Now five years after Gary's death I am alone in El Paso working a job I truly enjoy but where I don't know anyone. Oh, I don't mean this to sound pathetic, I'm just philosophically trying to figure out how I got here. I never wanted to be alone, nor do I especially like being single. But here I am. So what's the solution? One solution is to find myself a man.....easier said than done......but a possibility. Another solution is to change my attitude and be happy with being alone and single....again easier said than done....but also possible. Or I could just find a companion, whether male or female, to live with and at lease I won't be alone....again easier said than done.....but also possible. So which solution shall I choose? Not sure.....but for now I'll change my attitude and see what happens. I'll keep you posted.