A BUDDHIST RETREAT FROM A NON-BUDDHIST PERSPECTIVE - PART 3

     Today I continue my journal on my experience at the Thich Nhat Hanh retreat in Estes Park, CO in August.  I begin with my usual gratitude list.
     I am grateful for Thich Nhat Hanh, for a beautiful day in Colorado, for the sleep this a.m., for the nourishing food, for beautiful people.  For these and all my blessings thank you Creator.
     Today is day 2 of the retreat and I've gotten off to an interesting start.  First I had trouble getting to sleep last night but I didn't allow myself to be stressed.  Everything is always fine just the way it is.  Then my roommate woke me at 5:30 a.m. because we'd overslept.  Well there was no way I was going to be able to get dressed and be at the sitting meditation in fifteen minutes so I rolled over and went back to sleep.  1 hour later, I dressed and went to breakfast.  I thought I was doing pretty good on my mindfulness eating until the coffee overflowed my cup and I spilled it everywhere.  Ah such is life :)  But the day is improving.  I'm sitting out in the sun looking at beautiful Longs Peak.  Gorgeous!!!  If there is no God I wonder who dreamed up these mountains. 
     One of the things waking up late did for me is remind me that I'm a metaphysicist, a believer in New Thought, not a Buddhist.  I don't have to get up early...I'm pausing because the teens are on a walking meditation and have paused behind me to look at the magnificent mountains...An way, back to my new thought...I believe that life doesn't have to be hard if you just go with the flow.  I'm not a morning person so getting up at 5 a.m. is grueling for me.  But I CHOOSE to get up because I love the energy of being in a room full of like-minded people who are meditating.  But then, if the alarm doesn't go off, who am I to get upset because I didn't meditate in a room full of people.  I can meditate anytime.  Which I plan to do right now...Back in a few minutes....
     Now I am in the Assembly Hall.  Like me, many people came early to get a good seat.  Of course the only really good seats are right up front where you have to sit on pillows.  Not for me.  I'll come back to my writing soon since they have started the singing.
     Teachings of Thay:
      Every home should have a bell to ring occasionally and when the bell rings everyone should stop, cease talking and breathe in and out 3 times.  In the 21st century every home should have a meditation hall with a bell, cushions & a pot of flowers.  Call it The Breathing Room:  it is the territory of the Buddha.
      Pebble Meditation (the 4 pebbles): 
      Breathing In I see myself as a flower
      Breathing out I feel free
      Breathing In I see myself as a mountain
      Breathing out I feel solid
      Breathing in I see myself as water
      Breathing out I feel myself reflecting what is true, what is real
      Breathing in I see myself as space
      Breathing out I feel freedom
Thay took a drink and said "Yesterday it was a cloud, today it is my tea."
      Sidebar:  While I was eating I would set my fork or spoon on the tray and wait while I chewed.  Crazily at first my hand kept twitching as if it wanted to touch the fork.
       Back to the teachings:
       Meditators can see many things that others can not see:  They can see the seed of corn in the tall stalk of corn.  When you look at a child you can see their mother and their father: (I think of my new great-niece Jade - the newest addition to our family.  She contains so much of both Keely and Phil.)  Paradise is the weather inside the mother's womb.  You can be angry with your father and say you don't want to have anything to do with him but what you say is funny.  Your father is always inside of you.
        We carry all our ancestors inside us.  Genetics, minerals, vegetables and animal ancestors are all inside of us. - Buddha, Jesus - nothing can die, everything carries on in different forms.
         Walking meditations with peace, joy, mindfulnesss and insight can heal Mother Earth.  Take only one step and say "I have arrived."  Let go of the past, let go of the future and if you have not arrived don't take another step.  THE MIRACLE IS TO WALK ON EARTH.
          (In my estimation Thay is healing the divide between Buddhism and Christianity by living in the here and now.  He does not shy away from talking about Jesus's teachings.  HOORAY!)
           Breath in - I have arrived, arrived
           Breath out - I am home, home, home
           This means that in the present moment I am in the Kingdom of God, I am in the Buddha land.
           Suffering is necessary but too much/overdosing is not good.  If you are a psychotherapist you should not just allow your client to talk only about the suffering but to express what is positive in them too. 
          PRACTICING MINDFULNESS:
          1. Breath In
          2. Breath Out
          3.  Recognize the body
          4. Release tension in the body - our body is like the tree; in the time of storm (or strong emotions) we must bring attention down below the navel (the trunk) and breath deep into the trunk.  When we feel the storm coming we might want to lie down or sit and put our fingers on our abdomen and concentrate on our breathing - in & out.  The area of our being is large and the emotion is very small - just one part of who we are.  It is good to learn the practice of deep breathing before the emotions or storm arise.
         5. Touch the sorrow inside you
         6.  Bring yourself to joy and happiness
         7.  Recognize the power fulling
         8.  Embrace the painfulness with the image of mindfulness - if you are new to mindfulness practice and can not yet touch the pain, you can sit in your Sangha and they will provide you with the healing energy needed to touch your pain.  Every practitioner should learn to take refuge in their Sangha and receive nourishment. (To me my close friends support me like a sangha).  Collecting energy from a sangha allows people to embrace their pain and sorrows. 
          9.  Become aware of what happens in our mind - the mental formation - a flower is a formation of many non flower elements.  Anger and fear are mental formations.  There are 51 categories of mental formations, both negative and positive.  They sit inside us like seeds.  The totality of the seeds are all within us and we can turn to any one of the 51 channels inside of us.  When the seed is watered it grows into the mind consciousness and becomes a mental formation.  Our mind (consciousness) is a river of mental formations and mindfulness is the practice of sitting on the river bank and observing the mental formations as they form and go.
          10.  To energize our mind - to make the landscape of our mind more beautiful.  Taking the positive formations and decorating our consciousness with these seeds then grow them.
               Practice of Right Diligence - 4 aspects
                     1.  Don't touch the seeds of negativity - we have the seeds inside of us but don't water them.  Many television shows can water the negative seeds such as anger, fear, despair, jealousy.
                     2.  If a negative seed grows send it home - you can do this by bringing another positive seed up (change the channel - invite something good to come in).
                     3.  Bring the positive seeds up.  Do things to help nurture and grow the positive seeds so they become good mental formations, so that the mind is filled with beautiful formations (coming to this retreat, meditating daily, yoga, prayer, mindfulness) water only the flowers not the weeds that strangle the flowers.
                    4.  Once the good seed has manifested into a mental formation try to keep it in the consciousness as long as possible - Practice of the transformation at the base (my thoughts:  strengthening the neuronetworks for the positive - learned happiness)
        11.  Concentrating the mind
        12.  Liberating the mind

     Now I head to the walking meditation.  My plan is to walk at the back of the group today instead of the front to experience another view.  I just realized how hungry I am.  Portion control was part of my breakfast.  It has already taken hold of my body.  Maybe I'll increase my portion tomorrow morning.
     Many experiences came to me at the back of the bus.  First I really wasn't in any hurry whatsoever.  I really got into the motion of the walking.  Breathing In "I have arrived."  Breathing out "I am home." 
     The weather is spectacular and the clouds are so low you can almost touch them.  Of course, I am up at 8000 feet so that might have something to do with why the seem so close...they are.  At the back of the group I could see the magnitude of the 900 people practicing mindfulness walking.
     When we arrived at the clearing where Thay stopped I never saw him, but I saw the trees and the mountains and the flowers and the sage and the people watching Thay.  Here's a big lesson I learned today:  Breathing In and out and being aware of your steps doesn't mean you are in the NOW.  I was watching a guy really take in a tree and in that instant I was transported to my cabin and all the wonderful walks I have taken there, so many of them in mindfulness.  Then I became aware of my suffering (sorrow at the selling of the cabin, sorrow at my dog's death, my husband's death, the complete change in my whole past life).   I was no longer in the NOW.  I was definitely in the past.  Then I remembered Thay's teachings to breathe and to embrace the sorrow and I became aware that I have the choice of being in the past or having that same cabin experience right now in the present.  So I breathed in and changed my perspective to the present, which reminded me (through insight) that I have these wonderful joyful memories of those times at the cabin and that I can in the future (Source willing) have many more beautiful mountain cabin experiences to come...just not the same cabin.  Yea!  I am definitely learning something (smile).  Now it is time to eat!!!
     I am at a meeting on touching mindfulness in our spiritual ancestors.  Thay states that he did not come to the west to convert everyone to Buddhism.  He came for us to learn mindfulness in our current spiritual practice.  Our spiritual traditions bring us a depth of our humanness and the potential for our own breakthroughs. One of the speakers talked of Theresa of Avila and the mystical traditions of Catholicism and how they have shaped our lives.  Evidence is coming out that contemplative practices evolve our neurological evolution. (Sidebar:  I thank my mother for having her own form of contemplativeness for she taught me to see the mystical in everything and to pray to the God within me.  I have to remember to forgive the humanness of religions because they are only as divine as humans are divine and since no human is perfect....enough said. (This concept was something my sister taught me.  Thanks Anne!).  Spirituality isn't about belief it's about PRACTICE.  What you embody in your every day life.  Spirituality is NOT ABOUT DOGMA. 
    The day has been nonstop and I still find myself thinking about Mindfulness practice.  Not about the practices of Buddha but the practices taught by Thay, which encompass not only the Buddhist traditions but all traditions that encourage meditation and mindfulness.  The encouraging thing to me about being at this retreat is the number of men here.  It warms my heart to know that there are men out there who have a spiritual practice who don't necessarily have to be recovering alcoholics. 
     I just picked up a flyer for this same type of retreat being held in Ireland in April 2012.  I may just have to think about attending.
    I am sitting in the meditation hall waiting for the talk on the 5 mindfulness trainings.  My head is full and I'm not sure what more I can put into it.  (I left early because to me so much of the Buddhist trainings are focused on "suffering" and I prefer to focus on the positive "goodness" in life.  I believe there is no good and no bad, everything is what it is.  Humanity puts the judgment on everything.    Besides I'm not planning to give up meat and alcohol anytime soon and  I no longer want to "give up" anything.  For me I will use the Buddhist teachings to enrich my metaphysical beliefs not the other way around.)
    I applaud the people who have changed their lives through the Buddhist beliefs and I will use the meditation practices and leave the rest.  See my aversion to the Buddhist religion (though Buddhists tell me they aren't a religion but a practice) goes back to my aversion to anything overly organized. 
     It's been a great day and I've enjoyed all that I've learned and I'm ready for sleep and tomorrows adventures.  Nighty Night!



       

A BUDDHIST RETREAT FROM A NON-BUDDHIST PERSPECTIVE

     Today's blog is a continuation of my experience at the Thich Nhat Hanh retreat at the YMCA camp in Estes Park, CO from August 19th - 24th, 2011.  The following is from Saturday, August 20th, Day 2 of the incredible retreat as I wrote about my experiences in my personal journal.  At the start of all my journal entries I write 5 items that make me grateful.  So I will begin with my gratitude list that day. 
     I am grateful for a wonderful night's sleep, for a new friendship, for the clear, awesome mountain air, for all these peaceful people, for love in my heart.  For these and all my spectacular bounty I thank you Creator. 
     I had a wonderful night's sleep, early morning rise and meditation, then yoga.  Now I head to breakfast and "COFFEE."  I'm not used to this early morning stuff but hey, it's good for me.  Without my Internet I didn't stay up so late so I received plenty of sleep.
     It's interesting how I get this sense of Catholicism in the Zen practice.  I wonder if this is how the early Christians practiced and the dogma just slowly got out of hand with the church's power and greed.  I have to admit I'm not overly fond of the ceremony side of all this but then I've never been a big "ceremony" type person.  I didn't even go to my 3 college graduations because I dislike ceremony.  I must admit that I do love the silence though.  I'm off now to mindfully eat.  More later.
      Here's a mind dump from Thay's talk.  No being and being - Suffering & Happiness - Father, Son & Holy Spirit is the same as Buddha, Dharma, & Sangha, and the same as Body, Mind, & Environment.  Here's an exercise Thay stepped us through:  Breath In - Breath Out, Follow Your breath In & Out, Be mindful of your body while breathing in and out, Touch the sorrow inside you, Bring yourself to Joy, Bring yourself to Happiness.  (I'm missing one step: oh well, I'll get it later).
      Observations during walking meditation with Thay.  I wished that my husband, Gary, were there with me.  I felt the sadness that he was not here.  I felt the gratitude to him for if I had not met and married him I would probably not be at a Buddhist retreat.  Not that he was Buddhist but he did open my perspective to eastern spirituality.  I loved being in the middle of a group of people who are mindfully walking.  The nonconformist in me had to step outside the crowd for awhile and follow my own path.  Following Thay felt uncomfortable from this recovering Catholic.  I don't follow any One person as I am eclectic in my spiritual pursuits.  There are lots of people taking pictures.  I have to wonder:  If Jesus were alive today would lots of people be taking his picture? 
      When Thay stopped, sat on the ground and mindfully meditated with the children I got the sense of what it must have felt like when all the people came to listen to Jesus.  Thay certainly has touched the Buddha (Christ Spirit) within him.  After the thought crossed my mind I became uncomfortable because he is a human like ALL the rest of us.  He's just better practiced at touching the Universal Spirit inside him.  I watched how the other monks & nuns protect Thay and it reminded me of what I have read about the disciples protecting Jesus.  Those humans who have touched the Christ/Buddha Spirit so deeply are vulnerable to those who would take advantage of them. 
      I am sitting in a wonderful moment as I watch this extremely fat chipmunk on the patio below my room's balcony.  I hope it doesn't starve this winter when the tourists are gone because obviously it has become a junk food junky.  Oh wait, there are tourists here all year round.  That's good news for that very fat chipmunk. 
      I am off to mindfully eat lunch in silence, then I will go make joyful music to the Lord, or Source in my vocabulary.  Tonight I want to write about the belief concepts concerning non being and well being.  It intrigues me and I want to consider it further.  Dying and Birth two sides of the same coin.  Oops the chipmunk is back.  Starving and Fat - Hungry and Full.  The flower is made up of non-flower parts.  I am made up of nonhuman parts.  The mind boggles and all is well.  (The mindfulness bell on my phone just rang.  Before the retreat I would have stopped for a moment and thought about the moment.  Now today (Sept. 2nd) I stop and breath in and breath out 3 times, following my breath all the way through:  Now back to the journal entry).
      This afternoon I attended a touch the earth meditation with Sister Chan Khong.  Here are my notes, taken before the meditation actually began.  Be still and Know, Be Sumatra and see clearly.  Qualities of Touching the Earth meditation:  Understanding deeply - remember that people are the fruit of their environment.  Great Compassion - looking and feeling and seeing beyond the unkindness.  Love Greatly - The earth can absorb greatly all that we give it.  Treasures of the Earth
      How to Transform the fear of death.  Use the 3 ancestors:  Blood ancestors, Environmental ancestors, Spiritual ancestors. (The meditation was powerful.  With each ancestor group we meditated on them, then touched the earth to get rid of any emotional baggage from them.)
      I am exhausted.  I took my bathing suit with me thinking I would swim but then I participated in the deep relaxation and touch the earth meditations I came close to falling asleep.  I realized then that I did not want to exhaust myself with swimming.  Maybe I'll try tomorrow.  MAYBE is the operative word. 
      It is a gorgeous day and I feel very refreshed, yet exhausted so I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the evening in whatever way I can and come back to the room and crash.  I went to the music group after lunch and enjoyed singing.  I played my native flute when they were playing in the key of C.  If I had known about the music sessions I would have brought one of my drums.  Tomorrow I will possibly lead a song with my flute.  We'll see.  I know me, I play something different every time I play the flute. 
     It is time for dinner.  A few minutes ago I wasn't hungry yet now I am.  I'm not overly fond of being vegan, but what the hey, it's only for a few days.  Let's see what dinner has to offer. 
     Now dinner is over.  I didn't mind the tofu fajitas and I loved the guacamole.  As I was walking around I was feeling very lonely and I started to go with the pity party of why I don't have someone in my life, why I don't allow people to touch me deeply.  But that is such an untrue statement, it almost makes me gag. (smiley face).  I have some wonderfully dear friends who I have opened up to and bore my soul with, especially when it came to Gary's death.  So how I could say that I don't open up to others is ridiculous.  As I walk and am mindful I'm thrilled to realize that I don't have to fall for that drivel in my head. 
     I like how I've gotten so caught up in this wonderful Buddhist retreat that I want to buy a meditation pillow.  NOT!  I do not want to convert to Buddhism.  I like being a Unitic/Metaphysicist/believer in the Universal One.  That does not mean I don't believe in the Buddha Spirit, I do...as much as I believe in the Christ Spirit.  I think where I am is just perfect for where I am.  I love how I get so passionately wrapped up in whatever it is I am experiencing.  I do know though, that I will probably never eat the same again, yet I have a long way to go to eat mindfully like some of the people I have watched here.  More on that later...
     While I wait for my so called Dharma group to arrive I will talk a little more about the eating.  Portion control, that is one of the major things I'm learning and one of the major issues in my life.  I ate three square meals today.  No meat and no cheese and yet I am stuffed.  Crazy stuffed.  One reason I'm stuffed is because I am bloated by all the veggies and beans.  But the other reason is because I was thinking that I would have to eat more in order to stay full.  WRONG!!
      Well I just went to my Dharma discussion a half hour early and was sitting there wondering why no one was showing up.  Oh well, it's a beautiful evening to sit at the picnic table and write.  So back to the food discussion: My portion size is the mindfulness I want to work on.  By this evening's meal I ate much less than I would have 2 days ago.  Mind you I'm still not overly fond of all the vegan stuff but it definitely is filling.  (Right at this moment I have pine sap on my arm because the picnic table where I'm sitting has pine sap on it.  My first thought was that it was marshmallow left over by some previous campers....until I smelled it.  I guess I have food on my brain.) 
      So back into Mindfulness.  The air has grown chilly.  I'll have to put my jacket on soon.  My Dharma Group is in the Arkansas Room and it is for people from Florida, Georgia, North Carolina and South Carolina.  I don't remember signing up for the geographic group....although I sort of remember.
     There are some serious Buddhists here.  To bad I'm not a Buddhist or I'd join a Sangha.  Maybe I will anyway so I can meet some like-minded people.  I don't have to become Buddhist to practice Zen meditation.  More about that later. 
     It is interesting that I made the above comment as the entire discussion in the Dharma discussion group had to do with the comments Thay made about the Kingdom of God, which was confusing to those who practice Buddhism.  Yet it was very exciting for me to hear the parallelism of Jesus and Buddha's teachings'.  I still believe that during those unrecorded years of Jesus's life he may have visited the wise men from the east and picked up some of the eastern spiritualism. 
     This has been a very exciting day and I'm looking forward to more tomorrow.  Oh yeah, in my Dharma group there is a lady from Fort Myers who belongs to a Mindfulness Group in Naples.  I'm going to definitely talk to her about it tomorrow.  Thank you Source for this magnificent day of love and peace and sharing.  I look with joy and happiness to more of the same tomorrow.  Thank you for bringing Thich Nhat Hanh into my life.  He is truly A MASTER!  AHO!

A BUDDHIST RETREAT FROM A NON-BUDDHIST PERSPECTIVE

     I spent the last 5 days in the Rocky Mountains at the YMCA camp in Estes Park, CO.  I was attending a Mindfullness Retreat presented by the buddhist monasteries of Thich Nhat Hahn.  It was an incredible experience for me and I would like to share all of it with you. I wrote nonstop in my journal those 5 days and I will regurgitate each day's information in a journal entry every week over the next several weeks so that I can savor the information for awhile.  In this blog I will present the teachings of Thay (as his monks and nuns call him) from my perspective (since it's the only one I have first hand) then I'll give you my own commentary of what is going on, mostly based from my own beliefs as a non-buddhist.  I think Buddhism is an incredible practice and I am going to "steal shamelessly" from it.  But I also do not have a great understanding of it and since this retreat was my second exposure to Buddhism (my first being to sit with a Zen Buddhist groups for a couple of months), please take anything I say as it is meant to be...my experience as a non-buddhist having a buddhist experience.  So let's begin.
   August 19, 2011:    I am up at the Rocky Mountain YMCA in Estes Park @ the Thich Nhat Hahn retreat.  I was feeling that I wasn't going to be able to decompress and not use all my electronic equipment but now that I'm here I think maybe I can.  I want to take advantage of this wonderful place, these incredibly spiritual people and the peacefulness that's in my heart.  The setting here in Estes Park is incredible.  I can see Longs Peak from everywhere, even my room.  I'm sharing a room with a friend I met while working for the military in El Paso last summer.  I don't know her well but she seems very nice and I believe we will both honor the space needed to be here these next few days.  I want to dig deep into my soul and feel the presence of the Universe inside of me for the whole 5 days. 
     There are 2 elk on the hillside having their dinner.  Thank you God for this spectacular view.  There's a wagon (horse drawn) heading down the road.  Actually the closer the animals get the more I'm not sure if they are elk or deer.  It doesn't really matter, they sure are beautiful.  Thank you Source for an incredible life.  I am so truly blessed.  The most important thing for me right now is to stay mindful and enjoy the moments of these next 5 days and absorb the energy of this spectacular event.  Life is almost too good for words.  I love living in peace and harmony and love and want to have love in my heart forever and ever.  Amen.  Aho.  Thank You Jesus. 
      Dinner is in silence and while we eat we are asked to think mindfully of every bite we take.  We will continue silence after the talk this evening until after lunch tomorrow.  They call it Noble Silence.  I like that (smile).
     Tonights opening orientation was very interesting and beautiful. Thay(TI) as they call Thich Nhat Hahn is a very gentle, quiet man,  His message was about the 3 energies we need to work with in order to find the kingdom of heaven within.  Mindfulness , concentration & insight.  These, he says, are the Holy Spirit.  I resonated with that and I will spend time over the next few days as I'm here at the retreat thinking about these 3 energies.  The mindfullness I understand, the concentration for me will probably take a little more practice especially if I'm getting bored.  The insight I would think comes from the mindfullness and the concentration.  All is well in this awesome world of mindfullness. 
     Sangha is a new word.  It means the group (like a church) or this group of people at this retreat.  Too Cool!  I'm learning all kinds of cool things about Buddhism.  Yea!  Something new. 
     My ego did want to judge and was getting uncomfortable with all the monks and nuns and wanted to think, "shoot this is just like Catholicism" and in a way it is.  But it doesn't matter what it is or isn't, it is deeply spiritual and as they say in alanon "take what you like and leave the rest."  Right now what I take is the peace and the mindfulness.  All is awesome.  Aho!

Took My Breath Away

I know I haven't set foot on this terrain in awhile.  But today, from a newsletter I receive on honing my writing skill I was asked to write about something that took my breath away.  I thought I would share it with you.  Hope you enjoy.

Like bullets they shot through the waves, their only purpose...to have fun. Water churned beneath the hulls of the boat, tickling the creatures' undersides. They responded with a dance that crisscrossed the wakes as their sleek torso's sliced through the ocean in rhythm with the wind. After hours enduring the hard surface of the catamaran, hiding in the shadows of the main sail—the only protection from the long day's cruelty upon my skin—the gods had rewarded me. The pain no longer mattered. Nothing mattered. They had arrived. Those mythical mermaids who generously begged to share their playground with us mere mortals. When the leader floated sideways below me, his eye staring up in gleeful wonder as if to say, "Please play with me," silent tears touched my cheeks. The tears flowed for the years of imagining this moment, for the days of searching the open seas, hoping and praying for a sighting that did not come, for the realization that somewhere deep in my soul I was connected to these magnificent prehistoric beings. Long and sleek, glistening in the afternoon sun like tandem sails flapping above the crystal waters of their home, the dolphins were upon us. And in the innocence of that moment they took my breath away.

SAINT VALENTINE'S DAY: A WONDERFUL WORK OF FICTION

Did you know there are no historical facts to link Saint Valentine to romantic love, especially on February 14th? If one is to step down the path backwards to find where this love holiday originated one would find that the three Saint Valentines that are linked to the February 14th date were martyrs and had no significant behavior that would also link them to the hearts, flowers and cupids we see today. 

There have been several fantastic legends which may have started all this hullabaloo.  One such is where a Valentine (and it's not sure which one) defied the Roman emperor and performed marriage ceremonies even though it had been decreed in the law that young men could not be married because they were needed on the battlefield.  Then there is a legend that one of the Valentines, on the night before his execution, wrote a love letter to a young girl.  None of these legends have any basis in historical facts.  They are pure works of fiction.  And the best known link to the present day Valentine Day is another work of fiction.  Chaucer's 14th century work of fiction titled, Parlement of Foules,  is a poem written in honor of the first anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia where the great poet wrote:

For this was on seynt Volantynys day

Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

Translated to modern English this means: "For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."

Oddly enough the belief among historians is that the Saint Valentine's Day Chaucer referred to was actually on May 2nd, the saint's day of another bishop named Valentine orinigally of Genoa.

Fiction, fiction, how powerful is fiction.  As seen here in this highly celebrated holiday, writing fiction can create new worlds.  It can change the world (just listen to every politician).  And it can destroy old worlds (as did Hitler in his fiction about saving the Aryan race).

Why am I writing about fiction?  Because I love fiction.  I've been creating fiction my entire life.  From the imaginary friend my mother said I used to talk to out on the swing in the backyard, to the pretend family I used to imagine I belonged to, complete with a multimillionaire father and fifteen brothers and sisters, to my more recent dabbles with creating the great American novel, my life has been steeped with fiction.  So today I not only celebrate a day of love, filled with cupids, hearts, candy, flowers and romantic dinners but also as one of the birthdates of fiction. 

Happy Saint Valentine's Day to you all!

WITH A JET PACK STRAPPED TO MY BACK

Even a week after the SCBWI winter conference I'm still psyched about the inspirations I received.  As if I have a jet pack strapped to my back, I have not stopped writing.  Though I've heard or read almost every idea that was spoken last week many times before, the morsels of information that have sunk into my brain have catapulted me to a new level of writing.  So much so that I pulled Kiva and the Stone Nation back off the shelf and revamped her first few chapters.  I want to give this new round of literary agents the very best product I have to offer.  I even rejoined the SCBWI critique group in Naples to receive timely feedback on my work.  Yesterday I provided them with the revised first chapter of Kiva and they loved it.

I believe I have some strong ammunition to lob at the publishing world and in the next few days I will e-mail 5 more agents on my list whom I believe might fall in love with Kiva.  Keep your fingers crossed.

On another note, I just returned from a wonderful stroll along the beach at low tide.  I realized this morning that I plan my entire day of writing around low tides, sunsets and swim schedules.  Can you tell I live in Florida? 

So here's the revised Chapter 1 of Kiva and the Stone Nation.  Hope you enjoy! 

CHAPTER 1

If I had met Scout the year before, when forests still harbored a red caped girl and a devious wolf. In the time when munchkins and elves were still heroes and helpers, not childhood fantasies, I would have foreseen what was about to happen. For with Scout's wisdom I could have leapt beyond the world of the definite, the absolute, and the hard and fast. I could have moved into that place between the real and the fantastic. That place where premonitions are possible. And not just possible, but everyday occurrences.

But I had not yet met Scout. At least not that I remembered. And until that time when her presence was made known to me, l was lost. Lost in a fog of unknowing. A dark cloud of uncertainty. For a great shadow had surrounded my spirit and had muddled every thought in my brain. Blinding me to the mysterious message delivered to me that first day.

It was the day I graduated from elementary school. A day hailed as a rite of passage into a more adult world. A more logical world. And I was proud to be standing on that cliff of sensibility, for practicality flowed through my veins. At least from my father's side anyway. So how could I have grasped what was about to happen. It was illogical.

But logical or not, it occurred. Started right there on the playground. Right in the middle of the big city. Right in front of my teacher, who could not have predicted it either. Nor my classmates. But Hotta could have foreseen it. And most likely did. I would not be surprised if she dreamed the whole incident the night before it happened. With vivid colors, symbolism and metaphors dancing in her slumbering head. And she would have felt how humiliated I was, splayed against the dirt in front of my entire class, my elbows and knees skinned and bleeding. Hotta would have known my horror and embarrassment. Like she did with the other incident. The one at the beginning of the school year. When the merciless teasing had begun and the fanciful beliefs had vanished.

My lungs grasped at the tiny sliver of breath keeping me from passing out. As gravel slid down the back of my throat my teeth crunched on bits of stone and grit. I raised my body off the ground. My kneecaps throbbed. At least the other incident had not physically hurt.

A low growl-like voice whispered, "Are you okay, Kiva?"

I fought to focus on the speaker but could not uncross my eyes. The view in front of me was blocked by something. Several somethings. Long and skinny. And furry?

"Don't move!" cried my teacher off in the distance. Classmates backed away. I heeded the terror in her voice while I fought to remember what had brought me to this point.

I was on the swings. And Jennifer was discussing her upcoming plans for the summer. "I'll have way more fun at my camp than yours," she said. Her blue eyes blazed in the morning sunlight and I swallowed a laugh. Her mother was forcing her to choose church camp over drama camp and laughing at her frustration could prove dangerous. Sulking, she propelled herself off the swing without stopping. Callie followed in an obedient puppy manner, her long black hair swishing against her waist like a tail. I jumped to catch up, at which point my memory clouded.

That is until a screeching noise, like a terrified baby, penetrated my fog. The noise producer, a long snout attached to the wiry-furred legs, leaned into my hair and sniffed. A foul stench wrinkled my nose. Unable to picture more than the front portion of the creature looming over me, I suspected it was a canine escape artist from a nearby backyard.

"See you soon," I heard and the scruffy legs bolted away. As I lifted my head I caught a glimpse of its sloppy red tongue lopping from the side of a devil-may-care grin.

Mrs. Baker sprang forward, grabbed my arm and in one fell swoop, flung me towards the side door. As we passed a petrified third grader, he stammered, "What was that thing?"

Liquid, thick and gooey, rolled down my cheek and onto my lips. I tasted the sweet stickiness of my blood.

"Oh dear! Let's get you to the nurse's office," cried the teacher. Picking up her frantic pace she drug me through the halls. As we rounded the corner by the Principal's office, a small group of fifth grade girls snickered. Jennifer, in the center, pointed in our direction.

Principal Bartholomew bolted from his office. "Is this the student attacked by the coyote?" The snickering turned to laughter. Their echoes bounced against the ceramic tile walls like a thunderstorm in a canyon.

"Forest freak!" cried Jennifer. The volume intensified.

"That's enough," screamed the principal. The students howled. I braced myself. Waiting for the familiar chant. Like the last time.

"Woo, Woo, Woo," someone had cried the first day of school as I was reading my report about my summer vacation at my grandparents' ranch in southern Colorado. They had mocked me as I explained how my grandmother listened to messages from the animals who often magically appeared. “She calls them totems. For her tribe considers them messages from Great Spirit.”

Someone laughed and said, “Like a totem pole?”

I ignored the outburst and continued. My voice warbled as I described my grandfather teaching me to search for animal tracks. "He can identify them by their scat."

Then I heard, “Ooh yuck, that's poop.” The laughter grew.

“Hey you're a regular Daniel Boone,” said Jason, the cutest boy in school. I wanted to die.

"More like a wood fairy,” cried another voice.

“No she's a freak," cried Jennifer. "A forest freak.”

The students roared. The phrase flew through the air, hurled at me from every corner of the room. "Forest freak, forest freak, Kiva is a forest freak." Everything after that became a blur. That is until the teacher found me later, hiding in the bathroom stall.

That was where the horrible nickname began and it haunted me from that moment forward. I used to wonder if it was tattooed on my forehead in an invisible ink only Jennifer could read, for I never knew when her shrill voice would ring through the halls crying, "Hey forest freak."

To make matters worse, that was about the same time Callie decided Jennifer was her best friend, even though we had been best friends since we were babies.

********

As the nurse finished cleaning my wounds the frosted glass door opened. Jennifer entered, followed by Callie who said, “My mom's on the phone and wants to know if you're coming with us to the mall this afternoon? Remember I’m buying a new bathing suit for Jennifer's pool party.”

“I can't. My parents and I are heading down to visit my grandparents this weekend.”

“Going to talk to the animals again this summer?” Jennifer laughed.

I quickly answered, “No, just visiting for the weekend. I would die if I had to stay there again the whole summer."

A blond boy's head appeared around the door. "Boy that was freaky. Are you okay, Kiva?" asked Jason.

"Yeah, the freak's just got a few scratches," said Jennifer. "But I'm sure she'll be as good as new in a day or two." The boy smiled.

"In time for your party I'm sure," I said.

"Whatever," said Jennifer. Turning she motioned for the other two to follow. Jason shrugged and waved and as the door closed Callie's voice trailed off behind them. "See you when you get back, Kiva."




I would love your feedback on the above excerpt and I hope everyone has a fabulous week!

Books I'm reading: THE GRAVEYARD BOOK by Neil Gaiman (love this book!)

Food I'm eating: Ezekiel cereal with soy milk, whole grain toast with peanut butter and banana
Spiritual process:  The Master Plan to Manifesting Your Dreams
Affirmation: "I can do anything, be anyone, have anything because I am a trust fund baby of the Universe." & "I meet everyone with love."
Visualization: Signing one of my children's books that is worn and dogged eared because the child has read it so many times.

AN INSPIRATIONAL WEEKEND

     Expectations from attendees to the Society for Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) conference were as varied as the participants.  For me it was to legitimize myself.  To stop feeling like an interloper in the children's book world.  When I began my counseling career I remember attending the American Counseling Association conference in Montreal and absorbing that sense of camaraderie from other counselors, who in turn, welcomed me into their ranks.  My expectation for the SCBWI winter conference in New York City this past weekend was met and my image of myself was transformed from an illegitimate child into a welcomed daughter in just two glorious days. 

     My hat goes off to the staff of the SCBWI for they are extremely professional, genuine and down to earth, as they welcomed everyone, especially the new writers.  Didn't hurt that they were down right funny too.  My brain was a sponge for two days straight and what I came away with was the knowledge that I have so much more to learn about my new profession yet I am exactly where I need to be.  The speakers and events ranged from long time established writers such as Lois Lowry and RL Stine to newbies in the award winning and best seller world like Sara Zarr and Linda Sue Parker.  From each I learned something new and exciting and all of this knowledge has stirred my creative juices and brought them to a boil.

     One of the greatest lessons was from Lois Lowry who taught us the single most important question on the minds of every child that writes to her.  On the screen up front the audience read over and over, with every handwritten and e-mailed message sent to the famous author, one burning question.  Do you have a dog? Obviously having dogs is a must for every children's book author.  All kidding aside (sort of), Lois Lowry inspired me to learn to write to her level of creativity and mastery.  So a new entry on my to do list says, "Obtain Lois Lowry books, whether from the library, from Kindle, or from the local bookstore and read, read, read."  I wrote the following in my notebook at the end of her speech.  "If I get nothing else out of this conference, being inspired to the level of Lois Lowry is monumental.  It is a daunting task, but I am up to the challenge."

     The Picture Book panel taught me that picture books must have lyrical sensibility, for the lines will be spoken aloud to the child.  I also learned that although many picture books do not have children in them (often animals, inanimate objects and adults) the emotions must resonate with the children.  The panel explained how the words must be carefully chosen, as if writing poetry and how it is not necessary to "dumb down."  Yet making up a word or two can often be fun.  Although picture books is not my forte, the panel's gifts of wisdom will aid me even in writing my Middle Grade and Young Adult novels.  Make the characters unforgettable.  Make the reader laugh or cry.  Discover a story worth telling.  A writer must touch the child within.  And most importantly, Let Go To Story.  I did not know what that phrase meant at first but was pleasantly reminded that letting go to story means to get out of my head and into the heart of the story.  Find the "stuff" in the deepest part of me and wrap it up as a gift to the reader.  The story must have attitude.  And to create attitude I must find the pulse of it, the sass of it and the rhythm of it.  See story as a narrative wave, something the child in me can ride and visualize beyond the text.  Amazingly the discussion was wonderful food for fodder and though it is low on my priority list I started formulating an idea for a picture book.  Maybe a future project?

     In the breakout sessions I listened to three literary agents talk about what they look for in a submission.  All of them stated they need to be captured by a compelling character, read an absorbing plot and hear a unique voice.  Unfortunately none of them could explain what the above meant.  I surmise it to be like finding your mate and falling in love, I don't know how to explain it but I know it when I feel it.  Some heartening news was provide as they believe the children's market is still strong because books are what middle grade students and young adults use to escape the digital world they spend so much time in.  Plus for now children can't lend an e-book to their friends and lending books is part of their culture.  When asked what the next big sellers will be the answer was "any one's guess."  But some of the predictions are as follows:  Historical fiction (especially the 1920's), sci fi, and psychological thrillers.  One agent said if you could write a young adult or middle grade novel like Blade Runner they could sell it.  Multicultural is still great but is more literary than commercial.  Everyone is looking for middle grade and young adult books that will appeal to boys.  But no one knows what appeals to boys.  They think magical creatures (other than vampires) might be on the rise.  And an important question asked of the agents was what is their ideal client.  They said someone nice, who is totally fine with revisions, that doesn't obsess over what is happening when the book is being submitted to publishers and who asks questions and is okay with not going along with every suggestion but does not take the suggestions personally.

     I do not have many notes from the panel on How to Write Humor in Children's Books because I was laughing so hard I wanted to pee my pants.  But here are a few tidbits of wisdom to what makes something funny.  The unexpected, you don't see it coming.  Word Play - something I want to study more.  Choosing topics that are inherently not funny but make them funny.  Create plots that diverge and hide the humor in these divergences.  Let things get messy, exaggerate, understate, and create embarrassing moments.  Make a character preoccupied with themselves.  And most of all, listen to the kids, for they are inherently funny.  One  panelist reiterated what my book doctor advises me frequently.  Every draft needs to have 20% less words.  Or as expressed by my guru, "Figure out how to say it with the least amount of words."

     The two most inspiring speakers for aspiring writers were Sara Zarr and Linda Sue Park, as they were unpublished conference participants not so many years ago and are now award winning best selling authors.  Sara brought her "therapist" hat and provided the audience with great advice on how to stay motivated and take care of ourselves as we trudge through the process of becoming published.  She asked us to Craft a Creative Life by creating a writing process that is sustainable (no end), engaging (taps into something deep within that excites us), reminds us to invite others in but to know when to shut others out (be sociable but be discerning with other's advice), and last but not least don't just go through the motions of writing but be mesmerized by the moments.

     Linda Sue's most prevalent message was that creating a novel is not about me but about the story.  Her advice is to read, read, and read some more.  She reads every day.  This has allowed her to create a mental standard of what she likes, doesn't like and what works and doesn't work.  She asks us to ask ourselves if we believe in the story we are telling.  And then she reiterated the need to get out of the "I" and into the "story."  Make the story more important than our egos.  Quote:  "The writer needs to get the 'hell' out of the way and let the story tell itself."  The biggest gift she gave to me was to explain what Voice means.  Both literary agents and publishers say that the character must have a strong voice but they never explain what that means.  Linda Sue Park did.  She calls Voice the best words in the best order to serve the story.  That means that it must have structure and rhythm, meaning and nuance.  Here's what I wrote about her speech.  "Wow, her speech was incredible and taught me the most about my craft." 

     Nothing conveys the inspiration I acquired at the conference more than when Linda Sue Park told the story of a young boy named Daniel who stepped up to her table for an autograph.  He handed her a very crumpled, dogged-eared copy of her book, A Single Shard, and said he was trying to figure out how many times he had read her book but that he had lost count at 62.

     The last thing written in my notes for the 2 days conference was this:  "I want a kid to tell me that he/she read my book 62 times."

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

I apologize to my readers as it has been almost three weeks since I last picked up the pen to dance with my words and create something unique and hopefully interesting.   But I have been consumed by my writing and have not wished to be sidetracked from my tasks.  For this reason I have made the heady decision to turn this blog into a journey through the ins and outs, ups and downs and sideways of reaching my ultimate goal.....to be a successfully published children's book author.  AND I AM ON FIRE!

First I finished the next draft of my novel, INDIGO, and cast it into the hands of my writing mentor (who prefers to be called Book Doctor) for feedback before I begin another revision.  Then I met with this illustrious doctor and received the good news that the book is in much better shape than the last revision.  My main task at hand?  Create a chronology of "What does each character know at this point" as this is a thriller and I need to make sure the characters are true to the story line.

While I awaited my revision assignments I seized the opportunity to continue the saga of the novel, UNCLE SAM, about a young rebellious high school girl who comes of age in a college town in 1970 when she is forced to chose between her Canada bound draft-dodging boyfriend and her seventeen year old Amish uncle who has been diagnosed with leukemia and is in a fight for his life.  After writing ten chapters I now wait with bated breath (not really but it sounds more poetic) for word from the doctor on his first impressions.

And last but not least I slaved all afternoon at the bookstore recently to find children's books similar to KIVA AND THE STONE NATION.  Then I foraged the internet to find the names of the literary agents for each book.  Next task will be to send out a query letter, per their internet instructions, to continue the formidable task of finding the perfect literary agent.  I am confident there is an agent who will fall in love with KIVA and make her their next project.

Each future post will provide you an update of my writing and publishing journey and at the end of the post I'll keep you informed on other mundane facts such as what book I'm reading, what food I'm eating (just for fun) and what spiritual applications I may be trying at the moment, plus anything else the tickles my fancy. I hope you enjoy this new format and I would love to hear from you about what you think.  Especially this week on how you like my elevator speech (the one sentence explanation) of my new novel UNCLE SAM.

HAPPY READING!

Books I'm reading:  WHEN YOU REACH ME, by Rebecca Stead & SCAT by Carl Hiaasen
Food I'm eating:  Eggs and cinnamon toast
Spiritual process: 
          Affirmation:    "I am a financially, professionally and with the children, successful published author.
          Visualization:  Experiencing the excitement of signing books at the Barnes and Nobel bookstore in      Bonita Springs.

BALANCE

With each passing year I come to understand that balance of Mind, Body and Spirit is my key to peace and happiness.

Let's review how I maintained my balance in 2010. For my mind I read many books. Books that taught me the concepts of quantum physics. Books that honed my writing craft, and books just for fun. For my body I continued my regimen of swimming a mile several times a week, riding my bike when possible and working out at Curves regularly. For my Spirit I continued my attendance at Unity and Science of Mind churches, enjoying the fellowship and the teachings. I read a daily meditation book by Ernest Holmes and enjoyed numerous spiritual books that assisted me on my journey to enlightenment.

So what does 2011 have in store for me? Balance. Balance of mind, body and spirit. How? For my mind I shall stimulate the cells and cultivate wisdom by reading books that combine an exploration of science and spirit. For my body I will nourished it with healthy vegetables and fruits grown here in my new home state. I will continue to swim on a regular basis and ride my bicycle everywhere here on the island, while I look with anticipation to weekly yoga and tai chi classes. I hope to throw in the possession of a kayak so I can strengthen my soul with paddles around the waterways of my new home. My spirit will continue to be nourished by my current Unity community and meeting new like-minded friends. I am exploring the possibility of attending a week long spiritual retreat swimming with wild dolphins in the Bahamas as I research other retreats that include my love of travel.

Balance. This is my word for 2011. For balance provides the perfect energy for experiencing a deeper connection to Source's love. Therefore as the New Year begins, I travel forth into this exciting year with balance.

Happy New Year to everyone and may you too work towards Balance!