DECORATING A MEMORY

    Memorial Day was first called Decoration Day by General John A Logan on May 30, 1886 to commemorate the graves of the soldiers who fell during the Civil War. I once heard that he was inspired by compassion for the number of confederate soldier graves in the north that had no one to decorate them. In the 20th Century the holiday was changed to Memorial Day to commemorate all fallen soldiers in battle. Today it is also celebrated as a day for people to decorate the graves of their loved ones. It is a beautiful celebration yet one that causes me a bit of a dilemma for in this day and age so many people are cremated.

    Five years ago my husband died and in accordance with his wishes I had his body cremated and his ashes scattered on the 70 acre ranch we owned in the mountains of southern Colorado. The memorial service was held on Memorial Day weekend both because it was a convenient time for his and my family to attend but also because it is the weekend of our wedding anniversary. So Memorial Day weekend holds a very special place in my heart. But because there is no grave for me to decorate, I must do something different. So in this blog I will decorate his memory.

    Gary was one of the nicest people I know. He had a true desire to learn and to know others. He was not comfortable in a crowd but when he was one on one he could delve into another person's life and know them deeply. It was this quality that so touched the hundreds of people who remember him. He was an incredibly talented artist, a good son, a good uncle, a good husband and the best of friends, especially to me. He was one of the few people in this world who I could be totally myself around. He was a deeply spiritual man and was a huge influence in my own spiritual growth. So on this Memorial Day weekend I decorate the memory of my dear departed husband, who has been sorely missed and is loved to this day. Happy Memorial Day to you Gary, wherever you are!

LOVE

        On Facebook and in the news this morning there are numerous comments about how President Obama is going on vacation instead of to Arlington Cemetery for the annual Memorial Day commemoration of our fallen soldiers. But this blog isn't about whether he should or shouldn't go, it's about the anger and hate I heard in the commentaries about this situation. We often are a culture of seeing the bad not the good. We are often a nation of judgment not forgiveness. Yet deep within every human being is God. And if we are made in the image and likeness of God then God is there even in the least of our brothers. Let us remember what it says in 1 Corinthians 13 "⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." So on this weekend when we honor the brave men and women who fought and died for our country, let's really honor them by showing love to everyone........even to the ones we disagree with.

A BLESSING FROM GOD

    Lately I've been worrying about my dog. She's old (somewhere around 14) and she is retiring to a farm in Texas in 2 weeks because my schedule and living situation is becoming too difficult for her old body to handle. So part of me is worrying about how she will deal with not having me around all the time, although she is going to live with one of my dearest friends, someone who is a much better mother than I will ever be. Part of me is feeling guilty that I am abandoning her in her old age. But all this worrying and guilt is doing me little good. For I'm having trouble sleeping and I'm feeling weighted down by this change in my life. So yesterday, I walked the new labyrinth in the churchyard after service to help me with my sadness and guilt. As I slowly moved along the path I asked Source Of All That Is for guidance about my heavy heart. In the center of this particular labyrinth is a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. How appropriate. For he is the patron saint of animals. When I reached the middle I stopped for a moment and listened. This true animal lover told me to let go of Sharmin. Let her move on to her next phase in life for she will make her own decisions about how she will feel and how she will be. Not me. He said she was grateful for the love I had provided her all these years and that if I too remember my gratitude for the time I've had with my furry friend, that I will be able to peacefully allow her to now share her unconditional love with another human friend. He said if I let go I will feel the "rightness" of this situation and that it is meant to be. "Let go," I kept hearing in my head. "Let go." As I walked out of the labyrinth, I gave thanks to the Creator of the Universe for the wisdom imparted to me and for the 13 years of joy I have received from this beautiful animal. Since that walking meditation yesterday I have found a new sense of peace in this whole situation. And although I still shed tears of sadness, they are mixed with the tears of joy for the memories I will always carry with me of one of my bestest friends. Now I will stay in the moments with this sweet animal for as long as she is with me and I will truly appreciate her for what she is to me, a blessing from God.

 

BELIEVE, EXPECT, DO

    I belong to a group of spiritual women who have decided to meet on a regular basis to discuss our beliefs and our commitments and to support each other on this spiritual journey we call life. This week's assignment is to meditate, journal and explore the commitment we have for ourselves and what is working, what's not and why. My commitment is to writing my books and become a successful published author. So for the last two days, in my morning meditation, I have asked my Higher Power to expound upon what is getting in my way with my writing and my dream of being a successful published author. Today's answer was very profound for me and I want to share it with you. It was 3 words repeated over and over again. Believe, Expect, Do.

    BELIEVE means to believe that my desires come from my Higher Power for my higher good. Believe that no matter what others may say are the insurmountable odds, believing is the key to receiving. Believe that with the help of the Universe I can achieve anything I put my mind to. Believe the impossible. Lewis Carroll believed and look what happened to his book Alice in Wonderland. He even writes about it, as illustrated in the following quote: [Alice] "One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

    EXPECT means that once you believe, expect your beliefs to come true. For me it means to expect that any day now a literary agent is going to contact me and tell me how much they love my book. It means to expect the dream to come true. How, when, with what, etc. is not my business, only the outcome is my business. So I expect what others may call "impossible" to occur.

    DO means to put one foot forward and do the next right thing. You can substitute any word that exemplifies your dream in place of Do. For me I add the word Write, for with my dream I continue to develop and write my novels. I continue to send out my finished manuscripts to literary agents and publishers. I continue to share what I have written with anyone who will read them.

    So today I'm going to place these 3 words on my white board above my desk. I will write them on a sticky and place them on my bathroom mirror. I will put them in my phone so they will be beeped at me daily. Today I have received a profound message from within. Thank you Creator for this wonderful gift of BELIEVE, EXPECT, DO!

WHAT A QUANDARY. WHAT A QUAGMIRE.

    I've been struggling lately with a book I'm writing. It's not really writer's block as much as it is my own insecurity that I'm not a very good writer. Intellectually I know it is not true, but emotionally I allow my critic to get the better of me. Spiritually speaking my insecurity is actually a breakdown of my belief in Divine Source. If I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt in Source I would trust that when I write I connect to the Divine Creativity of the Universe through Source and will always write what is needed in that moment. So my writing struggle is quite simple to solve in theory yet very difficult to implement. For in my humanity I need to connect to Divine Source in order to feel confident, yet my insecurity hampers my connection. I am in a do-loop as we used to say in computer programming. What a quandary. What a quagmire. Maybe the best action I can take is to get down on my knees and see what happens.

ABUNDANCE

    I went with my mother-in-law, my good friend and her mother to the Brown Palace for Mother's Day Brunch yesterday. It was superb! I had been conscientious of my caloric intake for days in order to allow myself the pleasure of eating whatever I wanted at this feast. And I did. I enjoyed boiled shrimp and crab legs and a seafood salad, along with a spinach salad and a croissant for my first course. Then I followed that with a pancake, 3 strips of bacon, some roast pork, hash browns, potatoes au gratin, asparagus and a cheese blintz for my second course and then pineapple upside down cake, bread pudding and strawberries with chocolate fountain sauce as my third and final course. I washed it all down with delicious mimosas, decaf coffee and water. I enjoyed every single bite and worked hard to stay in the moment savoring the flavors as they tickled my taste buds.

    What struck me as sad though was how guilty everyone was feeling about eating all that delicious food. It was as if they didn't feel they deserved to be there enjoying the feast. It wasn't just at my table either. As my mother-in-law and I walked past another table for the 3rd time (desserts on our plates this time) the women seated there made a comment about how "sinful" it was to enjoy ourselves with this wonderful food. How they would not need to eat for at least a week after this. "Aren't we terrible," one said with a little wicked smile. It took me aback as I became aware of person after person with the same attitude towards our bounty. But not I, for I was loving it! Then I realized the culprit. The old Puritan virtues this country was founded on were getting in their way of enjoying the experience to the max. The virtues of making sacrifice and taking vows of poverty were pervasive in that beautiful opulent hotel. What a bad habit that attitude has become for so many and how unfortunate. For it indicates a belief that God doesn't want us to enjoy ourselves each moment of every day and that if I have abundance and enjoyment someone else has to suffer. I prefer to believe in a Source of All Good who can and will provide everyone abundance in all areas of their lives. For as Jesus said, "Ask and it is Given." Yesterday was an example of the abundance of our Universal Creator and the pleasure we can receive if we allow ourselves to relish in and be grateful for that abundance.

    So for me today I say, Thank you Divine Source, for the bounty that was laid before me yesterday. For the farmers, ranchers and migrant workers who made the meat and produce possible, for the truckers, grocers and warehouse people for transporting and preparing it for the market and to the chefs and servers for all their hard work in making the food so beautiful and scrumptious. I am thankful for the lovely music that serenaded us, the pleasant company that I enjoyed immensely and for the prosperity the Creator has given me so that I may enjoy such a magnificent bounty. No sadness, no feeling of lack, for yesterday was an experience of pure ecstasy! Just the way my Creator wants me to experience and enjoy my life. THANK YOU GOD!

TIRED OF BEING TIRED

    Haven't been sleeping well lately. Actually I'm getting enough sleep but it feels like I'm actively dreaming every night even though I don't remember much about my dreams. When I'm tired I find that my spiritual, emotional and physical health becomes tenuous. Some people say it might be the moon phases, so I looked it up. The moon is waning right now which I'm told means I'm losing energy. I believe the moon does affect us to a point so maybe that is what is causing my low energy, but it must have an extra hold on me this month. I'm also wondering if it has to do with the changes that are slowly taking place in my life. Over the next eight months I am starting a new job, adopting out my animals to friends, and packing up and moving to Florida. The weightiness of these changes may be affecting my energy without my full awareness. This may be why I'm dreaming so much even though I can't remember them. My brain is processing the thoughts and feelings that are churning in my subconscious. With less energy I have a more difficult time staying in awareness, thus dreams may be the best means of processing the affects of the change. And of course it may be just part of my life cycle. For life progresses in cycles, from up and down, to forward and backwards, to the four corners of the universe. Maybe I'm just in one of the downward spirals right now. And maybe that is all I need to know. Whatever it is I hope it stops soon. I'm tired of being tired.

FORGIVENESS IS LIKE AN ONION

    Yesterday's teaching at church was about forgiveness. That's a tough discussion to have, especially when the wounds of the transgression are still open and anger and hurt are still raw inside. I presented a workshop on Forgiveness a couple of years ago at my church and below are some quotes and sayings concerning the subject that helped my participants begin to heal. Hope they do the same for you.

Then Peter having come near to him, said, `Sir, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him -- till seven times?' Jesus saith to him, `I do not say to thee till seven times, but till seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Mark Twain

 

The process of forgiveness is like peeling an onion, with each layer we explore we come closer and closer to our core self. Sarah Lynch

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.  Paul Boese

Resentment is a weed in our emotional life that has to be pulled out down to the root or like the dandelion it will return and spread. Unknown

Forgiveness is the final form of love. Reinhold Niebuhr

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude. Martin Luther King

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.-George Herbert