ATTACHMENT

    I was reading a chapter from Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, again this morning. The subject was attachment. It reminded me of the sadness I am feeling lately because I am retiring my dog to a friend's farm in Texas. As I know my purpose is connected to a new life that includes travelling several times a year for 30+ days at a time and because I am moving to Florida in the fall to a condo that is not very animal friendly, I am struggling with what to do about my 14 year old dog. Today I realized all my struggles and sad feelings are related to my attachment.

    Sharmin has been a gentle and faithful companion of mine for 13 years. She has stood at the door wagging her tail for more times than I will ever remember. Our hikes in the mountains have been some of my favorite times of my life and she was there as a furry back to cry on after my husband died. But now it is time to let go. She struggles to get in and out of the car, yet doesn't complain when I drive her clear across country on a week long road trip. Her eating habits are erratic and she needs to go out a little more often than in the past, yet here I am leaving her for long hours in the day and often with strangers as I travel for both job and pleasure. All she wants to do is sit out in a yard and sleep in between taking walks, not for exercise, but to smell new smells. Yet I now live in a townhouse with stairs going up and down. I know she will be so much happier hanging out on a 20 acre farm with a pond (she loves to go wading in water), in a house with no stairs and with a friend who is the sweetest, gentlest lady I know. She's even going to become the office dog, which means during the day she gets to hang out with several people who I'm sure will stop and pet her on a regular basis. Retiring to Texas is what is best for Sharmin and what is best for me.

    The interesting thing is that the predominant feelings I'm having about retiring my dog to the farm are not about my attachment to her. Oh, I will miss her at first and I will feel the tug of the energy departing that was attached to her and my husband. I will even feel the loss of another life force that existed in my home. But I've lost many a person and animal in my life and know that I will grieve but soon after will be fine. No, my attachment is to my image. I have placed a judgment on myself that I believe will be a judgment by others that I am "throwing away" my old dog. It's a terribly loud distorted thought that says to me, "you are a bad person because this sweet loyal dog no long fits into your lifestyle so you are giving her away." Here in lies my insanity. My attachment is more about my image than about the actual dog. My attachment is to my feelings of guilt and to my distorted belief about what I should and shouldn't do. What an eye opener. And what a reminder that this image judgment is an unhealthy pattern in my life. It is a reminder that often in my past I have made decisions based on an image of who I "should" be not on who I really am.

    It is all part of my ego, trying to make me feel bad so that it can grow and attach and tell me what's wrong with me. This attachment to my image is what I want to change. And the good news is that awareness is the biggest battle to doing just that. So now that I know my attachment is to my image, I can reinforce the "truth" of me and say, I am who I am and this is how I plan to live my life. If others don't like it then too bad. In a month I am driving my sweet, gentle loving dog to her new home in Texas and am going to celebrate the love she has provided me and the love she will provide to my dear friend for hopefully several years to come. This act does not define me, it is just a choice I make in order to fulfill the purpose of who I am becoming.

    Today I learned a new lesson about attachment and this lesson is leading me to become the best human being I can be. It has been a fruitful day!