FORGIVENESS

    Last night I watched a movie on Lifetime called Amish Grace. It was about the Amish people who forgave a local gunman for killing 5 of their children and injuring 5 more. Wow. Did I ever expend a lot of tears on that movie. I could feel the pain of one of the grieving mothers, who unlike her husband, was unable to forgive so quickly. Her anger and hate were eating her up inside and she was ready to give up her entire life to run away from it. Luckily for her, in this movie anyway, she was able to finally forgive when she was informed of her own daughter's ability to forgive the gunman even as he was about to kill the girl.

     I have never had to deal with the transgression of someone taking a loved one from me through violence. But if I should, I hope that I have as much courage and faith as those true believers in the Lancaster, Pennsylvania area. For forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook as so many people believe, for there are usually consequences to the transgression, whether it is instant or over time. Nor is it about restitution, as nothing can make up for something that happened in the past. It is not about having the person say they are sorry for whether they are sorry or not, the transgression still occurred. Forgiveness is about releasing ourselves from our own prison of hate. It is an action that occurs deep within us to that place where love or hate reside. Forgiveness comes from the heart, and is about opening ourselves to the love that is out there waiting to replace the anger and hate permeating our cells.

    Forgiveness is about peace. It's not about giving peace to the transgressor, it is about giving peace to ourselves. I have learned in the second half of my life that I love to be at peace. But with the turbulence of the world around me the only way I can have peace is to grant it to myself. And the greatest gift I can give to myself is to let go of the anger inside of me so that peace and love can enter.

    Forgiveness is not always instantaneous. I paraphrase what one of the Amish characters said in the movie. She talked about how every morning, when she would remember how her two girls used to sing as they set the table, she would feel the anger and hate in her heart and would have to give them up to God so that she might have that space replaced with love. An hour later when she walked in the garden and remembered how her daughters loved to plant flowers she would feel the hate return and she would again give it up to God and ask that it be replaced with love. The deepest or longest transgressions often take the longest to release. But each time we chip away at the anger and hate, we fill that space with a little more love.

    Forgiveness is about us, not about the transgressor. It is about rising above the behavior of the other and connecting with the Creator's love that permeates all things. I don't know about you but if I have a choice between love and hate I prefer to be filled with love, that's why I am persistent in working to releasing anger and trying always to forgive.