Below is an article I just completed for a company where I provide business coaching. Thought I would share it with the rest of my readership.
As another year comes to a close we begin taking stock of what's happened over the last twelve months and where we want to go in the future. If you are like me and millions of other people, you are contemplating setting a New Year's resolution. But before you make that decision, I'd like to help you understand why so many resolutions are broken so quickly and how, with a little knowledge you can be someone who succeeds in changing that unwanted behavior.
Behavior change is seldom a single event. Most changes occur gradually, and progress in stages. Below is a diagram to help you follow along on this process of deciding, at midnight on New Year Eve, to change you behavior. I will use the example of wanting to stop eating sweets to better demonstrate this process.
If you have not stepped through the necessary stages, whether consciously or unconsciously, the likelihood that you can succeed in changing the behavior on New Year's Eve is very low. Why? Because if you've just made the decision to change, you have only moved from the precontemplation stage to the contemplation stage in the change process. At this point, you probably have had an occasional thought that not eating sweets would be good for you but the thought doesn't hang around and you continue your current behavior. In reality precontemplation is less a stage than a prelude to the first stage of change. During this stage others may be aware that we need to make a change (like our spouses or our doctors) but until we are informed of the need to change or believe it ourselves, we will stay in precontemplation.
But if you have been thinking of changing your behavior on New Year's Eve for some time now, then you are probably in the contemplation stage. In this stage we recognize there is a problem, either because we have gained weight or our doctor has warned us that our blood sugar is too high or maybe our clothes are starting to feel tight. Whatever the reason, this information begins to circulate through our brain, reminding us we might want to behave differently. But often contemplation comes to us by chance and normally it goes just as quickly. The key to successful change is to not miss this opportunity. So if you are in the contemplation stage right now, don't wait until New Year's Eve. Begin asking yourself what is preventing you from moving forward now.
If the answer to the above question is "nothing," and you are ready to start, you have now moved into the preparation stage. Here we shift the balance of our thoughts towards actually changing. This stage usually leads directly to action if we have used the contemplation stage to map our strategy for change. But if we do not yet have a strategy, the preparation stage is the best time to considered all aspects of our wants, modify our expectations and establish goals that fit our lifestyle. Here are some ideas to assist you in this stage. First, determine specifically what you need to modify in your lifestyle in order to succeed. If you can't resist sweets when you see them, eradicate them from your house. If you live with others who eat sweets, ask them to assist you for awhile in keeping them out of the house or at least out of your reach. Think of other items you can use in place of sweets, such as grapes or other healthy fruits that can satisfy the sugar craving, or if you consume large quantities of sweets, just give yourself permission to cut back slowly, one or two servings per day or week and continue the gradual reduction over time. Many people have great intentions and undergo drastic lifestyle changes, like making two or three resolutions at a time. This is counterproductive, for if you try to adjust too many things at once you will become discouraged and stop the whole process. Remember, it is important to establish a goal which works for you, not a goal that has worked for someone else or one that has been placed upon you. There are an infinite number of modifications which can move you progressively towards your ultimate goal. It does not have to be all or nothing, for any change in the direction of your goal is a positive move and only you can decide what will give you the most success.
Now that you are sufficiently motivated, have created a realistic goal and have removed any barriers that might get in your way, it is time to step into the action stage. It is amazing what you can do once you tap into the strengths you have that have allowed you to succeed in other areas of your life. Here are some techniques that can help make lasting change more likely.
1. Stimulus control. Become aware or recognize the "triggers" that keep you in your old behavior. Habitual behavior is by nature automatic, so if you can predict how you will react in different situations you can avoid those situations or prepare for them. If you know that walking by a certain desk where sweets are readily available will be too tempting, figure other routes in the office so you don't pass that particular desk. This technique is about predicting your environment, planning ahead and avoiding automatic behavior by getting ahead of it.
2. Talking Back to Urges. The urge to go downstairs and buy a snickers bar can be strong and unswerving. Learn to nip it early on, when it is just materializing, rather than later, when you have been immersed in the urge for an hour. Telling the urge, "No," or "Stop," as you become aware of it will weaken the neural network response in the brain, thus allowing you to replace your once automatic response with other solutions for your cravings.
3. Talking Back to Negative Thoughts. Negative emotions like anxiety, anger and depression are triggers for falling back into old habits. The first step is to recognize the negative thoughts as they happen. An example is a thought that pops in saying, "Might as well eat this anyway since I'll eventually fail at this change." Again, when we become aware of this thought we say, "Stop," and tell ourselves positive things like, "I only have to succeed today. I don't need to stress over what may happen tomorrow or in the future." Sometimes recognizing minute by minute successes can be helpful.
Once you have practiced the new behavior until doing it becomes automatic, you will move into the maintenance stage. Some people will restart the preparation and action stages several times before creating the habit they want. Not only is this route normal, it's a good one. The virtuoso pianist had to first practice the piano in order to become a master at it. So too must we practice eating differently. Plus allowing the possibility of a slip takes some of the pressure and self-loathing away and helps us not sabotage our change by giving up completely. If you find that you have fallen back into the old behavior of eating sweets regularly, just move back to the preparation stage, make tweaks to your goals and then step into the action stage again.
Relapsing into old behaviors has been considered a bad thing in the past. But an all or nothing attitude, that either I do this perfectly the first time or I'm a failure, is being too harsh on ourselves Think of a child who is learning to toilet train. How intolerant would the parents be if the first time a child wet their pants (or relapsed) they were considered a failure. Slips and setbacks are not only a part of learning, they are an integral part of it. It is through our mistakes that we learn more about the triggers and blocks and how to tweak the process for more success. You might initially think that eating a piece of pie or buying that ice cream bar, after eating well for several days or weeks, is failure, but in reality it is an incremental success. Remember where you started and how far you have come. But if you beat yourself up for that one indiscretion, you will more than likely consider yourself a failure and stop all together. If you go back to the preparation stage and ask yourself what got in the way and how you can prevent it in the future, you will be much more likely to succeed in the long haul. So this New Year's Eve instead of starting a resolution with the old odds it will be broken, start the stages of change so you can truly start changing your life.
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