FINDING THE PERFECT PLACE

Just finished with a frustrating yet fun day of looking at real estate. I have found that Florida doesn't like big dogs. Every condo I was interested in has a 25 lb limit on the dog. Twenty five lbs is hawk, owl or coyote bait in Colorado and would be a midnight snack for the bear Sharmin tried to chase this past summer.

I did find two places that interested me. One was not on the island but about a 5 minute car ride to a new county beach that has not yet been discovered by us tourists. The condo has beautiful views of the river from the lanai and the complex has a river beach. It's big by my standards which makes me suspicious of why it is in my price range. My realtor is going to do some digging to see if it is just because of all the competition or if there is a hidden reason it is cheaper than one would think. The other place I liked was a small house here on the island. I was not actually looking for a house but with the pet restrictions I figured I had nothing to lose. It's an older house but has a nice size lot and is 1 block from the beach and 1/2 block from the bay. It's in my price range because it only has 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. But for me that's enough. Plus I'm sure any of my friends or relatives who want to hang out a block from the beach won't mind the 1 bath. I don't think I can go wrong buying a place on the island. But since it is only day one of looking I still have a few more places to see. Tomorrow I look some more. I know I'm supposed to put my roots into Florida sand and I also know that the perfect place is just waiting for me to find it. I'm keeping the faith!!!

TRINITY OF LOVE

    It's Christmas Eve, a time when I become nostalgic, remembering Christmas pasts that still hold a special place in my heart. I don't remember a Christmas when I was a child that was not special. I was very blessed to have parents who loved me and kept a loving, traditional Christmas. Then I grew up and moved away and soon my Christmas's became different, sometimes good, sometimes okay and luckily seldom sad. For many years I spent them with someone in my family, then I met my husband and we began our own Christmas traditions. With my own home and husband I started new traditions that lasted for sixteen years. After he died I changed my traditions again. Over the last four years I have celebrated Christmas in Mexico or Florida, none with my biological family. Instead I created a family wherever I went. This year I do the same. Tonight I plan to go see "The Blind Side" at the movies, then come home and drink eggnog and watch "It's a Wonderful Life" and the "Christmas Carol." Tomorrow I spend the day with a dear friend and her husband as my family. Maybe a new tradition, maybe a onetime moment. Doesn't matter whether it is for years to come or only for tomorrow. What matters is the feeling of Christmas inside, the feelings of love, hope and faith. The Love of a mother for her son on his birth, the hope of a savior who would bring love to the world and the faith that when we trust in God, love will prevail. For all of you I send this trinity of love to you. May all of you have a wonderful Christmas filled with family, friends and most of all, with love.

FAITH

    As a friend said to me yesterday, 90% of everything we worry about never happens. That is so true for me. Two days ago I found the "perfect" place to stay once I move from the current condo. It is a wonderful house half a block from the bay and 1 block from the beach. It has a fenced in back yard for the dog and it has more space than I will ever need. We pulled up to the house and there on the door was a mermaid, my icon, and the landladies were kindred souls. The house was just waiting for me at a time when all the rentals that allow animals were already taken. But I knew the perfect place was out there. Oh I didn't know the exact place but I knew that I would find someplace nice. You see I have faith. Faith that when one door closes another one opens. For faith is the best way to navigate life. I believe it is my faith that brings these golden opportunities to me. All I have to do is listen to my internal (eternal) guidance as it reminds me all will be well, no matter what the circumstance. Now I can relax and enjoy the holidays. A celebration of faith.

PRIORITY

    Distraction is my nemesis, especially concerning my novels. I have allowed all the outside disturbances of travelling, settling in and exploring, travelling again, now finding a new place, to distract me. So as much as I love writing my blog each day, I have decided to cut back on the number of them. Starting today I will only write this blog on Monday and Thursday. The rest of the week I will concentrate on my novels, for they are my true passion and creative outlet. I must prioritize my time and move forward on the revisions of my second novel and the creation of my third. To give you a taste of this passion, here is the first scene in my current project, The Luminarian Prophecy.

CHAPTER 1

    It's coming. I can sense it. Anticipation surges through my veins like the cool water surging beneath my belly. Flat against the board, I concentrate on my ultimate pursuit. The perfect wave.

    A nudge from behind sends my heart into my throat as fear pulsates up my spine. Visions of my supreme nightmare dance through my head. Old timers call them the men in grey suits, I call them sharks. Taking a giant gulp, I glance over my shoulder. A long snout, framed by sharp white teeth, materializes beneath the blue green water. Head bobbing, its entire body thrusts into the air. A gleeful sound escapes the open mouth and combines with my laughter as it glides across the ocean like a long board on an epic swell. A smile creases my lips as I say, "Very funny, Wiley." His twinkling eyes reemerge and his dolphin laughter echoes off the surf, taking immense pleasure in his joke. Like Wile E. Coyote, my favorite cartoon character, my friend is the ultimate trickster. Especially in the early morning when the surf is high and we have the ocean all to ourselves.

    Tag number 2256 glistens from his right fin, identifying him as a member of the local pod my mom studies. But more importantly, he's my pal. Much easier to be friends with dolphins than humans. They don't judge. Popular or loner, normal or different, his friendship is blind. He just likes to tease.

    As he disappears into the vastness of the Atlantic once more, my attention draws back to the waves and I paddle forward in quick even strokes. In one fluid motion, my chest and head rise from the board and my feet fly up from beneath me. Arms flapping like bird wings, I search for the perfect balance spot as my feet tap a classic cross step along the length of the deck.

The wave thrusts me forward, just ahead of the soup, and I carve a path into the perfect spot. I ease up. Like walking on water I glide towards shore. My feet skip across the board with a choreographed dance I've performed hundreds of times before. Every nerve, every cell is amped.

In too short an order, the ride ends and my toes shift with the slightest twist, the board bouncing above the chasing wave. My feet sink into the calm waters and the final surge slips by. I savor the final morsels of the ride for it is time to call it a day.

I pop the leash from my ankle and grab my board before spying---down the coast---the tanned six-pack abs and sleek chest of 'Mr. Perfect Surfer.' As if he's climbed down from a billboard for Ron Jon's Surf Shop, his long tanned legs maneuver across his board like a pro. At the shore he steps out of the surf and waves. My stomach jumps as I return the greeting. I take a deep gulp of air and push the sensations down before jogging to his exit point. His toothy grin greets me then his face turns serious as he trots forward. "Hey, did you see that dude out in the water?" The wind captures his words and blows them at the highway.

    "What?"

    "That dude?" He points towards the line where two guys float in the lull, straddling their boards. The obnoxious floral trunks announce their old timer status for they will never acknowledge that the Hawaiian look went out with the movie "Endless Summer?"

"You mean those two geeks we call our dads?" I say.

Rain shakes his head not taking my bait. "No, this dude was scuba diving right under me. He came up and tried to grab my board." His wavy blonde curls bob up and down as he continues to point. I'm reminded of Wiley.    

    "Sure it wasn't the dolphin? He was teasing me again this morning."

    "No it was a scuba diver." He jogs next me, his board tucked under his right arm. "One minute he was there and the next he was gone." His eyes wander over the waves. "He must have come in down shore since the only boat around is that yacht out on the horizon."

    I squint, following his finger out over the foamy surface, but nothing catches my eye except the frothy white surf against the turquoise backdrop. "Maybe he was trying to catch a ride," I say with a laugh.

    He frowns with concern. "Hope he's okay." As if a switch clicks in his brain, my surfer friend's focus shifts and without a backward glance he changes the subject. "Do you think it'll be okay if I leave my board in your Mom's office again today? I'd rather not wait for Dad."

 

 

LIFE TURNS ON A DIME

    Amazing how quickly life can blindside you. Sunday I was having a wonderful morning on my lanai when the phone rang and my landlord told me he had sold the condo I am renting, that it closes on January 7th but not to worry I would be able to stay until the end of February as planned. The news caused me some nervousness but I was glad he was looking out for me. Then yesterday, just as I was about to board my plane to fly home for a few days of work, the landlord called and said the new owner was upset that I had animals and I would not be able to stay after the close due to some new association rules. Needless to say my flight home was not the most pleasant as I was worried about how I was going to find another place in 3 weeks that would allow both a dog and 2 cats (an arthritic dog that doesn't climb stairs very well on top of it all). I spent much of the evening vacillating between disappointment, anger and worry. A call to a good friend to "vent" helped, but I still found myself waking every so often during the night thinking about the problem. Finding a place that takes pets is not an easy task and I spent over a week last February finding the one I'm currently renting. I projected out all sorts of issues and scenarios, none of them ending very happily. This morning I performed my yoga to clear my mind then opened my meditation book to a random page. "Surrender and Release," popped out at me. It was exactly what I needed and caused me to chuckle, which in turn added to my slow move towards serenity, before the feeling snowballed.

    In the whole grand scheme of the world I recognize that my having to find another rental place so that I can enjoy the Florida sunshine this winter is not earth shattering. I thanked God that I am not homeless and if I can't find another place I can pack up my bags and move home. The worst that will happen to me in this situation is that I will be cold and disappointed for the rest of the winter. So I expanded my gratitude list and it grew and grew until I truly felt the peace of Source inside me again. Once I let go, I was able to focus on the solutions instead of the problems. Just a few minutes ago I received a call from my landlady. She has been working furiously all day yesterday and this morning to find me another place. She has found two so far that they are going to look at on Saturday and Sunday and if they are presentable they will have me go by and look at them.

    It's amazing how life can turn on a dime, but just because a situation feels catastrophic at first light does not mean it will be so in the long run. This was a good reminder to me that I need to look beyond my first reactions and take all experiences as adventures. So today I'm off on a new path. I'll keep you posted on where this one leads me.

 

DESIRES ARE MY GUIDANCE SYSTEM

    When I was a child I learned a very serious distortion in my belief system. It may have been taught to me or I may have misinterpreted it but either way it has placed limits on numerous adult experiences. The distorted belief was that I should not have any wants and desires above the basics in life, for to do so makes me selfish and self-centered. As I matured, I often allowed these beliefs to cause me to suppress my true desires because a "good" person is grateful for what is given to them and does not spend time dreaming about what they don't have. In turn, a vicious cycle would ensue, where I would have desires, which in turn produced thoughts of not being a good person, which created self loathing within me. Luckily, some years back I learned a concept that helped unblock these limiting beliefs and today, whenever this cycle tries to raise its ugly head I am able to combat it and continue to soar towards my desires. You see, I am a co-creator, with Source as my partner, in the creation of my reality. With this concept in hand, I can deduce that my desires, if not fear based, come from the Divine Wisdom of the Universe. Therefore, if it originates from Source it must be a part of my built-in guidance system, which in turn, directs me to my highest good. So today, my desires are as important to me as the gas gauge is on my car. I listen to these desires, assess whether they are out of fear or out of intuition, and when they are the latter, I turn my gaze in their direction and step out with excitement and anticipation.

KNOW YOUR STAGE TO STAGE YOUR CHANGE

Below is an article I just completed for a company where I provide business coaching. Thought I would share it with the rest of my readership.

As another year comes to a close we begin taking stock of what's happened over the last twelve months and where we want to go in the future. If you are like me and millions of other people, you are contemplating setting a New Year's resolution. But before you make that decision, I'd like to help you understand why so many resolutions are broken so quickly and how, with a little knowledge you can be someone who succeeds in changing that unwanted behavior.

Behavior change is seldom a single event. Most changes occur gradually, and progress in stages. Below is a diagram to help you follow along on this process of deciding, at midnight on New Year Eve, to change you behavior. I will use the example of wanting to stop eating sweets to better demonstrate this process.

If you have not stepped through the necessary stages, whether consciously or unconsciously, the likelihood that you can succeed in changing the behavior on New Year's Eve is very low. Why? Because if you've just made the decision to change, you have only moved from the precontemplation stage to the contemplation stage in the change process. At this point, you probably have had an occasional thought that not eating sweets would be good for you but the thought doesn't hang around and you continue your current behavior. In reality precontemplation is less a stage than a prelude to the first stage of change. During this stage others may be aware that we need to make a change (like our spouses or our doctors) but until we are informed of the need to change or believe it ourselves, we will stay in precontemplation.

But if you have been thinking of changing your behavior on New Year's Eve for some time now, then you are probably in the contemplation stage. In this stage we recognize there is a problem, either because we have gained weight or our doctor has warned us that our blood sugar is too high or maybe our clothes are starting to feel tight. Whatever the reason, this information begins to circulate through our brain, reminding us we might want to behave differently. But often contemplation comes to us by chance and normally it goes just as quickly. The key to successful change is to not miss this opportunity. So if you are in the contemplation stage right now, don't wait until New Year's Eve. Begin asking yourself what is preventing you from moving forward now.

If the answer to the above question is "nothing," and you are ready to start, you have now moved into the preparation stage. Here we shift the balance of our thoughts towards actually changing. This stage usually leads directly to action if we have used the contemplation stage to map our strategy for change. But if we do not yet have a strategy, the preparation stage is the best time to considered all aspects of our wants, modify our expectations and establish goals that fit our lifestyle. Here are some ideas to assist you in this stage. First, determine specifically what you need to modify in your lifestyle in order to succeed. If you can't resist sweets when you see them, eradicate them from your house. If you live with others who eat sweets, ask them to assist you for awhile in keeping them out of the house or at least out of your reach. Think of other items you can use in place of sweets, such as grapes or other healthy fruits that can satisfy the sugar craving, or if you consume large quantities of sweets, just give yourself permission to cut back slowly, one or two servings per day or week and continue the gradual reduction over time. Many people have great intentions and undergo drastic lifestyle changes, like making two or three resolutions at a time. This is counterproductive, for if you try to adjust too many things at once you will become discouraged and stop the whole process. Remember, it is important to establish a goal which works for you, not a goal that has worked for someone else or one that has been placed upon you. There are an infinite number of modifications which can move you progressively towards your ultimate goal. It does not have to be all or nothing, for any change in the direction of your goal is a positive move and only you can decide what will give you the most success.

Now that you are sufficiently motivated, have created a realistic goal and have removed any barriers that might get in your way, it is time to step into the action stage. It is amazing what you can do once you tap into the strengths you have that have allowed you to succeed in other areas of your life. Here are some techniques that can help make lasting change more likely.

1. Stimulus control. Become aware or recognize the "triggers" that keep you in your old behavior. Habitual behavior is by nature automatic, so if you can predict how you will react in different situations you can avoid those situations or prepare for them. If you know that walking by a certain desk where sweets are readily available will be too tempting, figure other routes in the office so you don't pass that particular desk. This technique is about predicting your environment, planning ahead and avoiding automatic behavior by getting ahead of it.

2. Talking Back to Urges. The urge to go downstairs and buy a snickers bar can be strong and unswerving. Learn to nip it early on, when it is just materializing, rather than later, when you have been immersed in the urge for an hour. Telling the urge, "No," or "Stop," as you become aware of it will weaken the neural network response in the brain, thus allowing you to replace your once automatic response with other solutions for your cravings.

3. Talking Back to Negative Thoughts. Negative emotions like anxiety, anger and depression are triggers for falling back into old habits. The first step is to recognize the negative thoughts as they happen. An example is a thought that pops in saying, "Might as well eat this anyway since I'll eventually fail at this change." Again, when we become aware of this thought we say, "Stop," and tell ourselves positive things like, "I only have to succeed today. I don't need to stress over what may happen tomorrow or in the future." Sometimes recognizing minute by minute successes can be helpful.

Once you have practiced the new behavior until doing it becomes automatic, you will move into the maintenance stage. Some people will restart the preparation and action stages several times before creating the habit they want. Not only is this route normal, it's a good one. The virtuoso pianist had to first practice the piano in order to become a master at it. So too must we practice eating differently. Plus allowing the possibility of a slip takes some of the pressure and self-loathing away and helps us not sabotage our change by giving up completely. If you find that you have fallen back into the old behavior of eating sweets regularly, just move back to the preparation stage, make tweaks to your goals and then step into the action stage again.

Relapsing into old behaviors has been considered a bad thing in the past. But an all or nothing attitude, that either I do this perfectly the first time or I'm a failure, is being too harsh on ourselves Think of a child who is learning to toilet train. How intolerant would the parents be if the first time a child wet their pants (or relapsed) they were considered a failure. Slips and setbacks are not only a part of learning, they are an integral part of it. It is through our mistakes that we learn more about the triggers and blocks and how to tweak the process for more success. You might initially think that eating a piece of pie or buying that ice cream bar, after eating well for several days or weeks, is failure, but in reality it is an incremental success. Remember where you started and how far you have come. But if you beat yourself up for that one indiscretion, you will more than likely consider yourself a failure and stop all together. If you go back to the preparation stage and ask yourself what got in the way and how you can prevent it in the future, you will be much more likely to succeed in the long haul. So this New Year's Eve instead of starting a resolution with the old odds it will be broken, start the stages of change so you can truly start changing your life.

THE GIFT OF SAND DOLLARS

I'm a sand dollar magnet. Whenever I walk the beach I always find one. Today I found eight. As I gazed at the magnificent creature, I noticed the beautiful star on its face reminding me to let Source show me the way. On the back is a beautiful flower, leafy and white, a gift from the creator reminding me that I am loved. They also remind me that if I trust and put one foot in front of the other, God will provide my bounty. Sand dollars are the Creator's masterpiece. They were incredible creatures while alive, they are as magnificent in their death. Just like we humans.

I'LL KEEP TALKING TO THE ANIMALS

    Often I think that living alone makes me focus too much on myself. Oh I have my dog and kitties and since I want to be responsible for them I remember to feed, walk and pet them daily. Actually I also talk to them because they are great listeners. But without a significant other, or a roommate or children to live with, I often think I get too caught up in my own "stuff" and have to remind myself that the world does not revolve around me. But is that true? On closer examination I realize I may be buying into a belief that isn't reality, for if the truth be told my world does revolve around me, just as every other person's world revolves around them.

    Everyone chooses their path based on an effort to satisfy their needs. Someone may choose to live with others because their need to belong is greater than mine, or they may choose to focus on others because they are listening too closely to what society says their need should be and aren't listening to their own truths about what needs are important to them. If it is the former, they are satisfied with their life because their need to belong has been met. If it is the latter, they will continue to feel dissatisfied trying to fulfill a need that isn't their own. Whichever the case, their life still revolves around themselves, for every behavior is a result of trying to satisfy a need for security, belonging, acceptance, achievement, enjoyment or freedom. Therefore, the only difference between those who are living with others and those, like me, who live alone or with pets, is that our basic needs are different. Although I didn't choose for my husband to die four years ago, I did choose to continue to live alone after it happened because I've never been one who needed to belong just for the sake of belonging. If I had really wanted to live with someone when I found myself alone, I would have already gotten married again, or advertised for a roommate, or opened my home to someone in need. But I choose not to because this is not the need I want to satisfy right now. Freedom seems to be my number one need these days. I wonder what yours is? Someday, when I find someone whom I deeply love and trust I will consider cohabitating again, if the priority of my need to belong shifts. Yet even then my life will revolve around me. Until then, I'll just keep talking to the animals.

FRIENDS

    Friends are the most important people in my life. They can be family, people I've known for many years, or those who I haven't known for very long but connect with on many levels. Sometimes, when we've known people for a long time we take them for granted and forget how much they mean to us. Today I met some new friends. A group of like-minded women invited me to join them every Wednesday for coffee. They were very nice to me. But most important of all they cared deeply for each other. They had been friends for years. It reminded me of the many friends I have. All of them mean more to me than I remember to say on a regular basis. So for all of my friends who may be reading this, thank you for being such a great friend. I appreciate you!

TAKING CONTROL OF LIZZIE

    Lately my critic has been very vocal. I call her Lizzie because she comes from my automatic lizard brain at the base of my spine and since my middle name is Elizabeth it is a perfect fit. She's been telling me I'm fooling myself if I think I can write. She says I need to go get a regular job and quit hoping that someday I'll make money from writing. In my head she whispers that I don't deserve to have the flexible lifestyle I have created for myself, that I'm being selfish and self centered. And this morning she told me I needed to pack up my belongings and head back home because moving and changing my life is crazy. I'm trying not to listen to her.

    This week I began working the tasks in the book "The Artist Way." I am currently exploring the negative thoughts that surround my writing. As a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist I already know about the power of negative thoughts. But sometimes it's good to be reminded. I'm aware that over the last couple of weeks I've allowed Lizzie to speak her mind too loudly. Today I've decided to take back control. So here's what I'm saying to Lizzie when she tries to speak. "Thanks for sharing Lizzie. I appreciate that you are only looking out for me and my survival. But for right now I'm safe and I'd appreciate it if you would go sit in the corner and shut up." Seems to be working so far.

BEHIND THE WHITE NOISE

    I awoke early this morning to the sound of traffic on the road about a block away. It surprised me because I don't remember hearing traffic sounds in the entire week I've been here. Then I realized why. The fountain wasn't on. My condo overlooks a small lake with a fountain in the middle. I'm usually asleep when it automatically turns on in the early morning and there's very little travel on the south end of this island at 10:30 at night when it goes off. The fountain is white noise. It drowns out all the noise that is located further away from it. If I don't focus on the fountain I can hear either the traffic noise or the silence within my condo.

    My thoughts are white noise in my mind. The chatter of what I call the "committee" inside my head often drowns out the voice of Source. But if I can clear my mind of all these thoughts, at least for a little while each day, I can hear the sounds behind the chatter. Sometimes it is silence, often it is guidance. Either way, the white noise amplifies my limited perspective of life. Only when I move behind it can I step out of my illusions and hear the truth.

IT'S A CONUNDRUM

    I can move myself to the perfect location, buy new things, and find the perfect relationship and for a while I am happy. But sooner or later the place, the things and the people lose their luster and newness and the happiness disappears. The reason? Because happiness comes from within. It's almost a DUH statement. Except for some reason I often forget it. But when I remember, I create an attitude of gratitude and appreciation for what is happening with me in that moment. This produces the internal happiness that cannot be swayed by outside circumstances. And amazingly, when I'm happy, more wonderful places, things and people become a part of my existence. It's a conundrum.

THANKS ANGELS!

    I've been struggling with a minor problem. The pet sitter who was recommended to me was already booked when I got here and I couldn't find anyone else to hire for this month's trip back to work. I could always take the dog to a kennel, but she's so spoiled I hate leaving her caged for four days. I commanded myself not to stress over my dilemma. Instead I asked the angels for help. I often ask for their guidance when I'm stumped. Within minutes I remembered a friend's earlier suggestion. Then I checked airline costs and realized that I could buy a round trip ticket for about the same price as hiring someone to stay with my pets. So I called my niece and made her a proposition she couldn't refuse. Within a few hours my problem was solved. All due to the angels. Thanks Angels!

LIFE IS LIKE KITTY TV

    My two cats are like polar opposite personalities. Anise, the little grey kitty, is under the bed. She doesn't seem to have stepped out from under it since we arrived four days ago. I'm pretty sure she has, probably in the dark of night, for the food has been eaten and the litter has been soiled by more than one cat. It's a shame, for she is missing out on the extra treats I dispense every morning and the marvelous kitty TV outside our lanai. Cayenne, my tortoise colored cat, is the exact opposite. She doesn't mind taking a risk at adventure in her new home. The condo overlooks a small lake and each morning numerous birds fly in to partake of breakfast, or to bath themselves, or chatter with their friends. Cayenne spends her entire morning watching that channel. She has acclimated nicely to our new "digs" and has created her routine based on eating, watching kitty TV, sleeping on various chairs, sofas and beds, and repeating the above.

    Both have choices in life, just like me. I could have stayed under my bed, putting up with the cold weather and living a small and safe life. Instead I have decided to take a risk, adventure out from beneath the bed and start a new life somewhere else. Cayenne has joined me. Hopefully Anise will soon.

TIME IS AN ILLUSION

    Over the last few days I've been feeling like time is running out. Today I paused and contemplated time. According to Wikipedia time is a component of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify the motions of objects. A ticking clock is not time, the pendulum in Greenwich, Great Britain is not time, the dials on my wristwatch are not time. Time is a measurement, time is manmade and time is an illusion. Yet this illusion causes more stress in the world than just about anything else. So I've started a new experiment. Every time I find myself stressed over time, I stop, take a deep breath and remind myself that time is an illusion. Amazingly, after I do, I always have enough time to do everything I want to do. Since time running out is a false mental image I can change my image to believe I have all the time I need. So try this experiment for yourself and see what happens. Remember: Time is an illusion.

GET INTO THE MOMENT

    Thoughts are fleeting. Feelings are fleeting. Whether they are positive thoughts and feelings or negative thoughts and feelings, they are fleeting. But if I want to experience them longer, all I need do is concentrate on them. Putting my focus on a thought or a feeling makes it linger. I don't know about you but I prefer a positive environment over a negative one, so my goal in life is to linger on the positive as much as possible. Awareness is the first step and awareness comes from being in the moment. A great technique for practicing awareness is to set timers or place messages around my environment to remind me. When I see or hear these reminders I ask myself, "Am I aware of what's inside and outside my mind?" If the answer is no, I stop. Then,

I get into the moment.

THANK YOU CREATOR

    It's 83 degrees out, the fountain is flowing in front of my condo, the air is still and moist and I'm heading down to the pool to sunbathe and read, for I've given myself the day off to find my "spot". Today is my first day in paradise. Exactly where I want to be.

    But this morning my ego tried to sabotage me. What is it my ego did? It kept throwing thoughts at me like, "You don't have anyone to share this with," "You're just a fraud," "You've made a huge mistake," "You can't afford this," and on and on and on. Part of me wondered if I'm just too spoiled for my own good, part of me wondered if I'm just out and out crazy. But when I'm tired and I haven't meditated in a few days I get disconnected from my Source and I feel lost. That's when my ego tries to take over. But I don't ignore my ego in these moments. For if I do it just gets louder and makes me feel worse. Instead I use the tools I've learned over the years to bring myself back into alignment with Source and keep my serenity. I thank my ego for making all its comments, then I ask it to kindly sit in the corner and shut up. Then I turned my thoughts and attention to the spiritual practice I have come to love. I read my inspirational books, say my positive affirmations, meditate for fifteen minutes, then write in my journal my gratitude list along with my thoughts and feelings. Finally, I bring myself back to the moment and continue to do so over and over again as the day progresses. For it is in the moments that I know how blessed I am to be where I am, doing what I am, living the life I live and in this moment I say, "Thank you Creator!"

FOR THOSE WHO KNEW ME WHEN

    No matter how much spiritual, emotional or mental growth we attain in our lifetime and no matter how old we become, when we step into a room full of family we revert right back to the children we used to be. I've spent the last 4 days communing with the people who knew me when I was born. These people have loved me and put up with me for half a century. And although I consider myself a fairly enlightened human being, these past four days have invoked in me the feelings of doubt, self consciousness, and jealousy and have resurrected a whininess I seldom experience any more. The difference between then and now is that I keep these feelings to myself because I know what I didn't know back then. They are fleeting and they will pass. It is very humbling and very good for my soul. It reminds me that I am still having a human experience and have a long way to go before I can consider myself truly enlightened. Nice to know there are people out there who knew me when. The only problem is they still see me as that past child and when they reflect it to me, I forget and become her again. I have so much more to learn.

WHERE'S MY SPOT?

    Yesterday I was telling a dear friend that I was feeling exhausted on this trip and that my dog was having some problems also. He said this reminded him of the teachings of Carlos Castaneda about being in your spot or knowing your spot.  It seems when you are not in your spot your energy and rhythms change.  I have read a couple of books from Carlos and did not remember this teaching. But it is very apropos for my situation this week. I have spent two nights in a motel, two nights at a friend's house and the last three nights at a KOA cabin. All of them were very nice and very clean and afforded me a safe room and a comfortable bed. Yet I still feel "off". For someone like me who has travelled extensively in my life this is very unusual. So I'm going to attribute it to my energy and my rhythms being disturbed because I'm not in my spot. It may also have to do with the fact that I'm moving my spot to Florida and I don't have the anchor of knowing I'm going "home" when this trip is complete. I'm not sure where "home" is these days. But the explanation comforts me as it gives meaning to what I am feeling. It also reinforces my belief that we are so much more than the flesh and blood we see and feel with our senses. We are pure energy that has taken form for this period of time we are on earth. If I remember this, I can center my energy through meditation and again feel grounded no matter where my body lies because my pure energy is an outshoot of God, who's spot is everywhere.

GIVE THANKS FOR EVERYTHING IN LIFE

    Have you ever noticed how no one ever gives thanks for the bad things that happen to them in their lives? Yet I have found for myself, that some of the most profound wisdom I have gleaned and some of the most significant AHA's I have recognized are often after my soul has been plunged to the depths of despair. So on the day called Black Friday, I'm going to give thanks for EVERYTHING that has happened in my life, even the one's I consider significant life events of the negative kind. For I would not be the person I am today without every experience in life.

    Life is precious whether we are up or we are down. Life is precious whether we are healthy or we are sick. Life is precious whether we are rich or we are poor. Life is precious whether we are alone or we are surrounded by loved ones. Life is precious in every moment, every circumstance, every experience. Thank you God for life.

GOD FEEDS US

    Just as the pilgrims awoke this beautiful morning and began their preparations for a bountiful feast, I too awake, with gratitude in my heart, for the magnificence of my life and the bounty I have received. Thank you God for my loving family, for my safety these last few days on the road, for all of my loving, caring and attentive friends, for my career, my creativity and my prosperity.

    There is a ethereal mist hovering over the lake where my little cabin sits. It's really the cats' cabin for I will spend most of my day in a condo on the Atlantic Ocean and the kitties will hang out here enjoying the warmth of this cozy cottage. How blessed I am to have the flexibility to travel cross county, enjoying the beauty of all the landscape along the way and arrive to hugs and kisses from people who have known me my entire life. My God is a loving God who provides my every need. As Jesus said in Luke 12 versus 22-30:

     ²²"....Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ²⁶Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

     ²⁷"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! ²⁹And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

    Have a Blessed, Bountiful and Beautiful Thanksgiving Day!

THROUGH THE EYES OF MY CAT

        Woke up this morning in another strange room. Tonight I'm in new one. That makes fours since we left home. The one this morning was nicer than the last two because I had more places to explore. But it didn't have as many interesting smells. Don't think as many of my kind have slept there before. Must be brand new.

    I'm really getting tired of being let out of my carrier only to be stuffed back in again. But I love sitting in the car watching all the strange contraptions going by. The windows are massive, and I love sitting in windows. And the birds!!! Everywhere I look there are more and more interesting looking birds. Strange white and grey ones today. Plus the air smells like fish. I love fish, especially tuna.

    Now we're hanging out in a small room with more good smells. I like this place because it has a wide window sill and I can watch all the events unfold outside. I noticed a few squirrels too. Squirrels drive me crazy. It's like kitty TV. But mom isn't around much like she's been over the last few days. That's probably a good thing. When she's around I keep getting stuffed into my carrier. I prefer my freedom. Not sure where I am. But hey, in this day and age with the way my mom drags us around, I just have to go with the flow.

PATIENCE AND GRATITUDE

    Patience is a virtue. Practicing patience was my assignment tonight. 10 hours was to be my drive time. 668 miles from Howe, Texas to Birmingham, Alabama. Instead I was on the road for 12. The last leg was sheer torture. The final 70 miles lasted 3 hours. The first traffic jam consisted of 2 miles in 15 minutes. The second jam, twice as long, started north of Tuscaloosa, AL where I finally passed a multi-car accident. The third traffic jam, 18 miles west of Birmingham, was another multi-car accident.

    I am on my way to a wonderful family Thanksgiving celebration. I have a feeling some of the crashed cars I passed held people who will be in the hospital instead. This makes my holiday even more special for I am safe. I pray for the families involved and ask that the God of my understanding support them in their time of difficulty. Now, sitting in my motel room I pray again, Thank You God!

EVERYTHING'S BIG HERE

    Texas is an enigma. Everything here is huge. Especially the bulls that stand at the fence by the roadside watching me drive by. Tumbleweed blows across the road and is so big it sticks under the oil pan for miles. They match the landmass of this state, the 2nd largest in the country. It took me 6.5 hours from the time I rolled over the border to get to a town just north of Dallas (and that's coming in through the panhandle). It'll take me another 3 hours to get out of this state tomorrow.

    Texas hospitality is huge too. Went to the pool with my friend so I could swim laps. Met 2 ladies in the hot tub afterwards who were extremely nice. People in Texas are down home friendly. They have big accents too. Thick, sweet and syrupy. It reminded me of an interview when I was applying for graduate school in counseling. The woman asked me what was my number 1 prejudice. I immediately responded, "Texas accents." It's true, I must confess. My first impression of people with Texas accents is that they are uneducated. I know it's not true but still that's my first reaction. I lived in Texas for 10 years and know better, yet I still have that reaction. I had it again today. Sorry Texans. It's just a knee jerk reaction. Tomorrow I'll be gone from Texas and will not hear that accent again for quite awhile. In a way I'll miss it. Thanks Texas, your hospitality has been outstanding.

LESSONS LEARNED FROM MY CAT

    I wrote several notes along the drive today to remind me of the interesting items I wanted to write about in my blog tonight. The tumbleweed as it blew across the Texas highways. The mysterious fog bank I drove through. The vultures playing tag in the sky. But all of these fun stories went out the window after I arrived at my destination and was traumatized by my cat, Cayenne, who taught me three valuable lessons.

    Lesson number 1. Never leave your cat in a room with another cat if they don't know each other. Cats aren't like dogs. They don't adjust after a few minutes of smelling the other animal's butt. The phrase cat fight probably originated from crazy humans like my friend and I who put two unfamiliar cats in a room together and thought they would get along. Boy were we wrong.

    Lesson number 2. Never pick up a cat that is upset when a unfamiliar cat is present. How do I know this? Because I tried and now I have three gashes in my left cheek, several scratches on my hands and a chunk of skin missing from one of my finger tips.

    Lesson number 3. Cats are very forgiving. Tonight as we gather in the spare bedroom for a good night's sleep, all is well. Anise is hiding under the bed, Sharmin is snoring by the door and Cayenne is quietly sleeping in her cage. The other cat is separated by a room and a cage and is no longer within smelling or hissing distance. My cats are much happier. I'm still a little traumatized by the above event and my finger hurts like an SOB but the cats have forgotten the incident and think of me as their friend again. All is forgiven. Wouldn't it be nice if we humans could be just as forgiving.

    What's in store for us tomorrow? More adventures On The Road with Sarah Doyle. See you then.

HOWDY Y'ALL

    Remember the series, "On the Road with Charles Kuralt"? Well, for the next 10 days I will be "On the Road with Sarah Doyle". This morning I loaded my car with the dog, 2 cats, golf clubs, guitar, summer clothes and various essentials (like my coffee press) for my trek to Florida via Dallas and Charleston.

    Last night was a restless night as I tossed and turned, unable to quiet my mind from the churning lists of what to do, what to take and who to call. Needless to say exhaustion greeted me when my eyes opened this morning and within 2 hours of being on the road I was begging for Scottie from the Enterprise to beam me up and deposit me at my motel in Amarillo. But alas, it was seven hours from my starting point before I rolled into the motel and unloaded the dog, 2 cats, dog and cat food, cooler, food and my bag. Although it's like traveling with children, I can at least legally keep mine in cages while I go to the bathroom, register for my room and get something to eat. I'm sure there are parents out there who wish they could do the same.

     I am now safe and sound and vegetating in front of the TV watching Pirates of the Caribbean and drinking a beer. I'm proud of my animals as this is year two of our now annual trek and they have adapted quickly to our adventure. Anise, my little scaredy cat, hasn't hidden once and is currently kneading her blanket as she lies on the bed, ready to settle in for the night. Last year she never braved anything besides the underside of the bed. Cayenne, the other cat, is perched in the window checking out the other guests. She's quite the traveler and loves roaming free in the car. Her favorite perch for the ride is either the console next to me or on top of the cage, both places perfect for watching the passing truckers. Sharmin is crashed out in the corner snoring, pretty much what she's done all day. Our little menagerie is quite a sight and true entertainment for the other motorists.

    Tomorrow we're off to a little town north of Dallas to visit one of my very best friends for a couple of days. Nice to have friends who love me so much they are willing to welcome not only me but my three animals into their homes.

    So my plan is to provide you with interesting observations and entertaining stories along our journey. See y'all tomorrow (notice the Texas twang has already returned and I'm only 100 miles south of the Texas border).

GROWN BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS

    The saga continues.....At age 36 I was married for one year and living in Colorado. Those two events changed my life forever. I had wanted to be married since I had become an adult, but I would not compromise on who I married in order to be married. So waiting to meet Gary had tried my patience. Yet it turned out to be the best things that ever happened to me. For during my years with him, I have experienced the greatest of joys and the deepest of sorrows.

    Age 36-42 I meandered through life. The biggest question I had to make was whether to have a child or not. We tried. It didn't happen. So the next biggest decision was whether to go to any lengths to have a child. The answer? Nah! End of story.

    From age 40-46 I continued to climb the corporate ladder and finally in 1998 I became the Human Resources Manager for the Denver Division. It was what I had been working towards for many years. I worked lots of long hours, we went on lots of great vacations, and we bought land in the mountains to eventually build a cabin. Our dreams were all coming true. I also discovered Unity teachings during this period in my life and they opened a new avenue of spirituality to me that has served me very well now for many years. Then in 2001 I applied for and was chosen to be an HR Manager in Kazakhstan. Gary was all for it. I would make lots of money, we could travel on my off time (I worked 28 days on and 28 days off), and it would be an incredible experience. So off I went on my great adventure not realizing that while I was gone my husband would implode. The years between age 47 and 51 became very trying and difficult due to my husband's binge drinking (four major drunks in one year, then 2.5 yrs sober only to binge drink again until it killed him). But inside those years were also some incredible times, especially our trips to Spain, Hawaii, Italy, and a wonderful cruise to Mexico. But the stress took a huge toll on my body and when, in 2005 my husband died from complications due to his drinking, I had high blood pressure, osteoporosis, high cholesterol, and was the heaviest I had ever weighed. Yet, spiritually I was more balanced and knew myself better than I ever had in my life. Thank God. Because the next year of grieving my husband while starting a psychotherapy practice was very difficult and without my faith I'm not sure where I'd be today. Since then I have grown in leaps and bounds and now live life to the fullest, stay in the moments, and am not afraid to risk to get what I want. Ironically, I have those difficult years to thank for giving me the confidence to live in the freedom I live today.

    So what will the next 18 years bring? Without a crystal ball I have no idea. But I do know that Florida, writing and a life partner are all part of that future. I also know I'm looking forward to it with excitement and enthusiasm. I hope you'll come along.

FROM LOST TO BLOSSOMING

Yesterday I reviewed the first 18 years of my life. Today the saga continues through age 36. The highlights of those years?

Moved to Florida and started college at 18, dropped out at 20 (I was lost)

Moved to Portland, OR, went back to school (I was lost)

Both my parents died within 5 days of each other at age 22 (I was really lost)

Joined the army at age 23, moved to Germany, left the army at age 26 and moved to Houston (still lost)

Started working for Texaco in Human Resources (still lost)

Returned to school and FINALLY got my degree after going to 5 college (still lost but getting better)

Bought my first house at age 31 (sort of lost)

Found my spiritual path by age 32(budding)

Met my prince at age 33, married him at age 35 (budding)

Continued to work for Texaco, climbing the corporate ladder (starting to blossom)

Moved to Denver at age 36 (blossoming)

Today, as I explore the signposts of my life I see that during these middle years my main focus was on growing outwardly, into the external world. My path was the American dream. College degree, career, house, marriage. Yet internally I was emotionally lost. I had an inkling of the girl inside but didn't know how to let her out. I was too busy judging her and what others might think of her to see how precious she was. I spent so much time and energy running from her because she was "different" from the status quo and in my mind being "different" was bad. But alas, that "girl" wouldn't stay silent for long and poked her head out once in awhile to say, "Here I am world." Then the imposter, the person I thought I should be, stuffed her back into the closets until the next time she escaped. Finally, by the time I was 32, my faith in a Higher Power began to blossom, opening me to the world of spiritual growth that helped me discern what was true for me and what were distortions that no longer served me well.

Tomorrow, I will assess in the next 18 years of my life how, with much water and fertilizer, I've bloomed into the person I am today.

To be continued……

THIS IS MY LIFE

    I am three days away from making a major shift in my life, even if just for a few months. At moments like these I am reminded that an occasional review of my life assists me in assessing where I've been, what patterns have shifted and what patterns may still need to shift. So over the next three days, I will take a quick life review by dividing my age into three. Review #1: birth to eighteen.

    As Charles Dickens wrote in A Tale of Two Cities, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..."

    It was more memories than you will ever want to know. It was memories of deaths, embarrassments and joys.

    The big deaths? My paternal grandmother when I was six (don't remember her but remember the time around her funeral because my mother was bedridden due to menopause side effects). My 6 yr old neighbor when I was seven (he was a twin and his stitches came out after a tonsillectomy and he bled to death). I'm still a little afraid of stitches. My maternal grandmother when I was 15. I was never close to her and I felt no sadness when she died. But I felt guilty because I felt no sadness. Although my mother tried to assure me it was okay, I carried that guilt with me for several more years. It was a lesson on honoring my feelings for what they are, just feelings that come and go. My best friend's sister in a car accident when I was fifteen. The poem's my friend wrote afterwards were haunting and beautiful and helped me understand the pain and sorrow of death in a new way. Although I have become more comfortable with death, it still looms out in the future, frightening me occasionally.

    Embarrassments? In first grade, when the nun forced me to eat the hotdog and I made myself throw up. I'm still not fond of hotdogs. Plus I believe this was my first big "lie." Coming in as runner-up in cheerleading tryouts. From that incident I allowed myself to feel like a runner-up for years to come. I have worked hard to clear that crazy thought from my mind and today I no longer think like a runner-up. A boy once said, "Oh yuck," when he saw me after someone tried to set us up. That incident haunted me for years, as I thought I was too ugly for boys to like me. Today, the emotion of that moment is gone but I still remember the distorted conclusions I came to at the time and feel sorrow for that young girl and her insecurities. My father's drinking. Although there is not one incident that sticks out in my mind, it was the "secret" of it that bothered me. Over the years I learned that it's the "secrets" that will kill us.

    Joys? Being the flower girl in my sister's wedding, the bicycle I got for Christmas, my uncle, who lived in Japan, riding with me that next summer, the Operations game, hours and hours spent wandering the woods at our cabin, swimming in the lake, my dog and I whiling away the hours at the train trestle creek, leaving Catholic school behind, playing coronet in the band, vice president in honor society, singing with Madrigals at all the basketball games, playing Bloody Mary in South Pacific, vacations to Florida, long hours hanging with my girlfriends trying to solve the world's problems, journalism class, yearbook ad sales, moving to Florida with my parents after high school.

    These are just a highlight of the inexhaustible memories tuck inside my mind. Now looking back I can see patterns I have released. The lying (I was notorious for it in elementary school) and the insecurity (staring in the mirror as a teenager and coming up wanting). One's I still need to work on? The stubbornness (still hate to admit I'm wrong) and the independence (still have trouble asking for help although I am getting better at it). My favorite pattern I want to maintain? My positive attitude for which I thank my parents. Someone once called me Pollyanna and it took me years to realize it was a compliment (although they didn't mean it that way). Now I call it Faith and relish the strength it gave me through the good, the bad and the ugly. It still does.

    Tomorrow? Eighteen to Thirty six. See you then.......

NIGHTMARES

    Popping up from a dead sleep, Sierra's heart pounded against her ears like the percussion section of a marching band. Someone was in her room. Watching her. "Who's there?" she whispered. Silence. A slight tremor shook the bed. Footsteps shuffled across the carpet. "I know someone's there?" Her voice trembling like an old woman. Tick tock went the grandfather clock downstairs. No other sound. As if death had come to visit, a cold finger grazed her arm. A blood curdling scream climbed through her throat trying to escape only to be muffled behind a massive hand. Squirming to break free, shivers raced across her spine. "Oh my God," she cried into her panicked mind. "They've come back. They've come for me again!"

PEACE

    "Peace is flowing like a river. Flowing out of you and me. Spreading out into the desert. Setting all the captives free." Anonymous

    The word today is Peace. In the three inspirational books I read this morning, Peace was the theme. Obviously, peace is what I am to focus on today. I am at peace. It's addicting. When awareness notifies me I have misplaced my peace, I do whatever it takes to find it again. Most of the time that just means letting go....of fear, pride, anger, attachments. What does peace mean to me?

    Participating in awareness

    Every moment of the day

    Allowing myself to let go as I

    Co-create on my way, then I sit back and...

    Enjoy

    In the words of John Lennon, "All we are saying is give peace a chance." I think I'll give peace a chance today!

TIME TO RECOGNIZE MY POWER

    For several days now I've been debating on whether to send my book, Kiva and the Stone Nation, to other literary agents while I wait for a response to the one who has it now. For some reason I've had this unconscious belief that only one agent would want to sell my book. This morning I realized that I was limiting myself with this belief. Wouldn't it be nice if I sent it out to several agents and I had 2 or 3 who wanted to represent me. When that occurs I can choose the one that is most successful and also passionate about my work. After this revelation came to me I opened up a spiritual reading and this is what I saw: "Remember who you are: You are made in the image and likeness of your Creator....Don't be afraid of your power, your magnificence, or your wisdom."

    For so many years I have believed that life is something God gives me instead of my current belief that I co-create my life with God. After I changed this belief I had to ask myself, "What do I want my life to be?" Now that I have a good image of where I have come from, where I am, and where I want to go, it's time to take possession of it. Today I recognize my power and step into it.

SIMPLE PLEASURES

    The simple pleasures of life. Coffee from a French press, a crackling fire, the sound of the furnace heating my home, the spicy scent of the diffuser, nowhere to go on a cold, snowy day, blueberry pancakes, an evening with great friends, electricity to power my computer, facebook to catch up with my friends, my silly dog hiding in the basement because of the crackling fire from wood too green to burn, anticipation of a wonderful holiday season, money in the bank, a healthy body and so many blessings I could stay here all day writing them down. To be continued.....

GRATITUDE

    Sometimes I let the contrasts in life be my focus and forget how in sync I am with my inner self. Honoring and focusing on who I am brings me peace and joy. When I stay in the moment and am mindful of what is going on inside me and around me, gratitude can't help but overflow. As I stood in my kitchen this morning making my wonderful omelet with onion, tomato, broccoli and cheese, I thanked my Creator for giving me a flexible lifestyle that allows me to get up in the morning, make coffee in my French press, feed my animals, take my vitamins, meditate, walk my dog and create and devour any breakfast my taste buds desire. How blessed am I? Beyond words. Thank you God for I am truly grateful!

LETTING GO OF THE CONTINGENCIES

I’m excited because I learned something new about myself today. This was a true AHA moment. I was listening to a workshop on Law of Attraction on my I-pod. This particular speaker believes (as do I) that we are in this world to be co-creators with Source. Unfortunately, through our conditioning since birth we’ve forgotten this concept. In this belief, when we have true desires, they are information about the direction that is right for us. These desires begin as thoughts that turn into energy that either manifests for us or are placed into vibrational escrow (a holding pattern) until we are ready to receive them. But we’re the only ones who can make ourselves ready. So what I’ve been relearning over the past few years is how to make myself ready to receive my desires in physical form. This requires aligning my “feelings” (or vibrations) with the new manifestations before I receive them and then I draw them to me.

Ever since I heard about the Law of Attraction several years ago, I’ve been practicing it and the life I live today was created from my past desires, which when I turned towards and focused on them the law brought to me. Right now I’m in the process of creating my future based on my current desires. One of these areas is to share my life with a partner. And although I’ve known, since not long after my husband died, that I desire having another life partner, I also have known I was not ready to invite someone into my life yet. In essence, the desire has been sitting in vibrational escrow waiting for me. So over the last four years I’ve begun aligning my feelings towards meeting someone, knowing that I still had some grieving to do and that I also wanted to enjoy being alone for awhile. Recently I realized I was ready for this new person in my life. But then I became impatient and began thinking about “what if” I don’t meet anyone, what will I do, where will I live, how will I handle life alone. The big AHA I had today as I listened to the workshop was that by thinking about and creating these “contingencies” I’m actually blocking the manifestation from happening because contingencies mean I don’t completely believe. As I listened I went, “WOW!” Now, as is my typical response after having an AHA moment, I’m chewing on this new perspective and it will take me a few days to shape it and move it and incorporate it into what I feel and do.

On a lighter note, this concept reminds me of an old joke I once heard about a person who falls off a cliff and grabs a spindly little branch that keeps them from plunging five hundred feet to their certain death. As they hang on for dear life they call for help. A booming voice calls to them from above and says, “Let Go.” The person asks, “Who are you?” The voice says, “I am God. Let go and I’ll catch you.” The person thinks about what God says for a minute then calls up, “Is there anyone else up there?”

In my situation the branch is my contingencies. Today I learned it’s time to let go of the branch and let Source catch me.

SAVOR

    SAVOR: to give oneself to the enjoyment of. In each moment today, I plan to SAVOR the moment, enjoying everything that happens in me and around me. Hope you'll join me!

"I AM A PART OF YOU. YOU ARE ALL OF ME"

    I often forget, throughout the course of a day, that spirituality isn't something I do on Sunday morning at church, or just in the morning when I meditate. Spirituality is the cornerstone of my being. I am the outward expression of the Creator. I remember hearing a song at church one day that has stayed with me for many years and epitomizes this truth. The refrain goes, "I am a part of you. You are all of me." Everything I do today, whether positive or negative, happy or sad, fun or work, is God experiencing and expressing through me. So today, I want to remember that EVERYTHING I am and EVERYTHING I do is spiritual. As an ancient eastern saying goes, "Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water." Let's chop our wood and carry our water today with the conscious awareness that we are, in every moment, an extension of Omnipotent Source.

HO'OPONOPONO

    I feel so much better today because I was able to let go of some anger yesterday. I performed Ho'oponopono, as I try to do every morning before I get out of bed. This is a forgiveness technique I learned from Huna (the ancient spiritual beliefs of the Hawaiians). It begins with asking God to fill me with love, then I visualize bringing all the people I have been in contact with the day before, onto a stage as I hover above it. I visualize the energy chord that attached between us when we interacted. Through this chord I send them the love God has filled in me and watch as they fill with that same love. Then I say "I forgive you, please forgive me too" to each person until I feel like anything that may be off balance in our relationship with them is corrected. After this, I visualize a giant sword coming down out of the sky and severing the chord and I wish the people well as they float away to God. With this technique I make my relationships "right" every day.

 

LETTING GO

    Today I have been feeling just about every emotion in the book, but the most distinct of these has been melancholy. Melancholy over a friendship that has seen better days and melancholy over a life that is changing. I realize that often we grow apart from certain friends and although our gratitude and our memories of those people will stay with us forever, being in a relationship with them no longer serves our greater good. In the same vein, I also have to let go of the life I know today in order to step in the direction of the one that is right for me. I'm okay feeling the melancholy. I just want to acknowledge it as a healthy part of letting go. Good news is that after the melancholy comes peace.

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

    Yesterday as I swam I found my mind wandering to all the "things" I needed to do or all the "things" I wanted in my future. Then I reminded myself I was getting caught up in the world of "things" so I decided the easiest way to turn from the world of "things" was to think of something that transcends "things." The word that popped into my head was Love. So every time my mind wandered back to "things" I would just say Love. That simple little word made me physically, mentally and emotionally feel good every time I said it. That's when I realized the word Love always makes me feel good. So I'm going to try this exercise over the next few days. Every time I find my thoughts heading down a slippery slope, I'm going to say "Love." Let's see if it continues to create this good sensation.

    Today, thinking about this subject it reminds me of the Beatles song "All You Need Is Love." I started singing it and realized how simple yet how ingenious the lyrics are. But then I've always thought John Lennon, in his final years, was a prophet. So below are the lyrics to this song. If you want to follow my little experiment, maybe we can intersperse the word Love with this song to keep us feeling good.

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done, Nothin' you can sing that can't be sung, Nothin' you can say, but you can learn how to play the game, It's easy...

Nothin' you can make that can't be made, No one you can save that can't be saved, Nothin' you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time, It's easy...

All you need is love, All you need is love, All you need is love, love, Love is all you need (x2)

Nothin' you can know that isn't known, Nothin' you can see that isn't shown
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be, It's easy...

All you need is love, All you need is love, All you need is love, love, Love is all you need

All you need is love (All together now), All you need is love (Everybody), All you need is love, love
Love is all you need" The Beatles, 1967

KIVA AND THE STONE NATION

    Today I would like to share with you excerpts from a children's book I have written called, Kiva and the Stone Nation. Hope you enjoy!

    I shot away from the table. My legs barely skimmed the surface of the floor. They sickened me. I had to get away. I sped through the living room, slammed through the front door, and escaped into the yard. Through tear-streaked eyes, I stomped towards the stream, my entire focus on the entrance to the forbidden land. A haunting voice called to me. "You will be free here." My blood boiled as I crossed the water and disappeared behind the damp, shadowy guards. The massive stones gobbled me up as if they were starving lions biting into a morsel of meat. Without a backward glance my adrenaline fueled limbs sprinted into the cool evening air. "I'll show them!"

    Minutes passed and I ran on. My legs and ankles began to throb, yet I paid little attention. I darted over boulders, deadwood and shrubs like a graceful gazelle in the African grasslands. Stones grazed past me, streams splashed at my feet yet my rage-powered legs plowed through the canyon, attacking dozens of hills as if they had been built by ants. Farther and farther away I ran with no idea of my final destination. Time stood still as my growing anger chased me like a cougar stalking its prey. All I wanted was to leave behind the pain of my miserable life. All my hard work to make Jennifer like me had been ruined by my parents' stubbornness. As tears streaked my face my legs pushed on, increasing the distance between me and the horrible creatures destroying my life.

    I was oblivious to time and blinded to the golden light as it polished the mountainside with soft ambers and gold. The last rays of the evening sun had kissed the rocks, grass and flowers goodnight. Time passed and evening shadows brightened the colors of dusk as the temperature dropped. The sun disappeared behind the Rocky Mountains yet my misery hid the chills that had arrived. I raced on.

Exhaustion outpaced me and soon my legs were screaming for oxygen. I tumbled to the ground as they lost their last ounce of strength. Sobs wracked my body as hot tears scarred my face. My fists pounded into the earth. "No, they have to let me go home. If I don't go to this party my life will be ruined."

A frightened rabbit, witnessing my tantrum, scurried into the blackness, his white cotton tail bobbing swiftly behind. Broad thumping feet drove his tiny form through thick brush as terror fueled his downhill race towards freedom from the mad human.

Aches pounded my muscles. My energy was shot. As my temper tantrum continued, screams echoed deep into the empty spaces of the forest. In time, my voice grew hoarse ending my shrieks. Every muscle screamed for air. My throat gagged. My stomach emptied its contents. Worn-out, laying inches from my dinner's remains, my muscles froze. My lungs begged for air and the lack of oxygen momentarily blinded me. I willed my breathing to slow and my eyes cleared and focused on the area in front of me. I was wrapped in a giant green blanket of long needles gently swaying in the evening breeze. Blinking between the branches, a lone twinkling star hugged a dark grayish sky.

"Oh my God, it's almost dark. I have to go back."

I braced my legs to stand up, then tumbled back, my head slapping hard against the cold ground. Crawling a few feet on hands and knees, I grabbed a nearby stone, balanced myself and shimmied up the side. As the heaviness of my body reached full length, my legs buckled and again I fell forward. My arms kissed the sandpaper surface of the rock. "Ouch!" I slid down its rough side. Luckily, soft brown needles padded my fall. Leaning my back against the hard, chilled surface, my head fell into my hands and my drained tear ducts strained with empty sobs.

"What am I going to do?" The words hung in the cool night air as shivers raced through my body. Dark shadows stirred from the missing sun and I panicked. Goose bumps speckled my arms and legs and my brain swirled out of control until one lone thought fueled my fear.

I was lost.

Lying still, I drew deep breathes to calm the panic rising in my throat. Stomach juices gurgled. Dread pressed at me like a hundred pound weight. Every movement in the trees, every rustle of the wind played tricks on my mind, as bears and mountain lions crept through the brush in search of a tasty human morsel. Visions of my bloodied and half eaten body turned shivers into giant trembles. The cold ground increased the chills. With one last effort I balanced my hand over the stone and pulled with all my might. I was upright.

Holding tight, I glanced left, then right---then behind. I circled around and around wishing the view to change as my panic returned, but no familiar landmarks, buildings or objects magically appeared. Dizziness swallowed me and I sank to the ground.

Shivers raced up and down my back as monsters stared at me from behind every tree. I was confused and terrified and I screamed into the darkness. "So where is that stupid Great Spirit now, Hotta?"

A silent mist suddenly drifted from the outer blackness, swirling and bouncing as it wrapped me in a blanket of yellow shadows. The mysterious bright fog sent my heart racing, yet as it circled my body it calmed me. Then my stomach growled and I wondered if hunger could cause hallucinations.

    "Whoo, whoo ah whoo, whoo ah whoo," stabbed the night's silence. I froze. Every nerve in my body lit up in panic.

 

HIND SIGHT IS 20/20

This morning I read a section in a book about a couple who were going through some very tough times. Luckily, they were able to bounce back from the difficulty and recapture their love for and enjoyment with each other. The author stated that while they were having the difficulties they knew something was wrong but they were in denial. The word denial jumped out at me because I often have clients who use that word as a way to beat themselves up for not doing something different at the time.

As the old saying goes, “Hind sight is 20/20.” I look back on my own marriage, or even the depressed moments or difficulties in my life and think, I knew something was wrong, yet still I didn’t act. I was in denial. So was this denial wrong?

My unequivocal answer is NO! I believe we are all doing our best from the vantage point and the tools we have at that moment. I don’t believe anyone wakes up in the morning and says, “I’m going to be less than who I am right now.” I’ve known things were “not quite right,” in my past and then later realized how even more screwed up things were than I originally thought. So why didn’t I do something about it at the time? Usually it was for one of four reasons: Either I thought it was an anomaly (which is often a thought we have when we’re going through something for the first time), or I didn’t want to “make a fuss,” (because I was taught to “suck it up” when things are tough), or I just didn’t know what to do at that moment so inaction was better than going off half cocked , or I knew the solution but it was so painful I wasn’t ready to go there yet.

What stands out for me when I exam anything in hind sight is that whatever the reason for my inaction, I want to see it for what it was, doing the best I can at that moment in time. Then if I am still angry about it I can forgive myself and move on. Because whether I don’t know what else to do or I am confused about a problem’s significance or whatever the reason, I am always doing the best I can at any moment in time and that’s all that counts. So instead of beating myself up for being “in denial,” I’m going to look back and say, “Hurray for me, I worked my way out of a difficult situation when the time was right and I was able to see the best solution for me.”

I'LL PLACE MY BET ON THE POSITIVE

    I'm in transition, have been for the past four years since my husband died. As I've created this new life for myself, I've had some moments of sadness, along with many moments of joy. With each, I've learned more and more about who I am. I am now on the verge of something totally new. I'm not sure what, but I can feel a change coming and intuitively I know that when I look back in a few years, my life will be much different than it is today. Along with this "gut" feeling has come some anxiousness about the mysterious details of my future. For weeks now I've been trying to alleviate these anxious feelings, but today I decided to ask myself a different question. Is anxiousness so bad? In the true sense of the word, it is not.

    In the dictionary it states that "anxious" is an adjective and means being full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune. But it can also mean to be earnestly desirous and eager.

    Having this information now helps me assess my reaction to the unknown future. I can be anxious about it with either fear or eagerness. The difference has to do with whether I see my future in a positive light or a negative one. Since I don't have a crystal ball, there's at least a 50% chance I will be right either way. But if I go back and review my life, I realize in all my transitions over the years 80% have had positive outcomes and 20% have had negative outcomes (although in the long run even the negatives have turned positive in some way).

    So the lesson I've learned by dissecting my anxiousness is that when I start to feel anxious, I'm going to remind myself that it can be either fear based or eagerness based. But since the odds are in my favor that a positive outcome is on the way, I think I'll place my bet on the positive and be anxious about my future with desire and eagerness.

RAMPAGE OF APPRECIATION

    I've been having bouts of waking up too early in the morning. Often they are caused by night sweats, which means that I've been eating too much sugar (which I must admit I have been lax about lately). But the strange issue is that when I wake up I have a strong feeling of panic about lack of money. Now I'm not rich by any means but I'm also not destitute and over the last few years have practice my belief in the law of attraction, which so far has worked. Occasionally I let my ego-based fears get the better of me, usually sometime during the daylight hours, but what's going on in my dreams to cause these anxious feelings first thing in the morning baffles me.

    So here's what I have done the last few mornings and what I'm going to implement before I go to sleep at night from here on out. I'm practicing a technique I learned from the Abraham-Hicks book, Ask and It Is Given, called Rampage of Appreciation. When I awaken and recognize the anxious feeling, I acknowledge that I am fearful. I don't judge it but let it be what it is, then in my head, I begin a gratitude list. This morning at 4:30 a.m. it took me about ten minutes to go back to sleep and I slept another 2 hours. So now I've decided that tonight before I go to bed, I will try the Rampage of Appreciation before I turn out the light. Maybe if I focus in gratitude for what I have, right before falling asleep, I will wake up in the morning with a feeling of prosperity instead of a feeling of lack. I'll keep you posted!

STEP INTO THE WHEELBARROW & ENJOY THE RIDE

I like to believe that I live an egoless life. But unfortunately it sometimes rears its ugly head. This morning was one of those moments. I allowed my ego to focus on the future and create anxiety in me. Luckily, once I was aware of what was happening, I knew what I needed to do. Climb back into the wheelbarrow and let go.

So what does the wheelbarrow have to do with ego and anxiety? It comes from a story I once heard narrated by a very entertaining and inspiring priest. He described how he went to a circus with a friend and in the middle of the performance an acrobat appeared, and walked across a very high wire. Then he rode a unicycle across it before bringing out a wheelbarrow and pushing it across the wire. Soon a pretty assistant appeared and proceeded to sit in the wheelbarrow. The priest said to his friend, "Do you believe he can push her across that wire?" The friend said, "Yes. Intellectually I believe it, but if I trusted him and had true faith in him, I would get into that wheelbarrow myself."

The message I heard that day, five years ago, has had a profound effect on me. For I can believe in God, I can even believe in letting go and letting God direct my life, but until I actually get into the wheelbarrow and let go, all I have is intellectual belief. True faith is in getting in and letting God push. So today, I let go of my ego and trust that God, in all Her omnipotence, knows the direction that is best for me. All I have to do is step into the wheelbarrow and let go, then sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

BALANCE

    Balance, like a teeter totter is hard to maintain. Yin and Yang, Masculine and Feminine, Logic and Emotions, Right Brain and Left Brain, Doing and Being. What is the right amount at the right time? I think I want to "do" more but I don't know what that "more" is. So at a time like this I feel I need to just "be". Meditation is the being, reading inspirational messages is the doing. Today I do and be. Balance.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

    I've heard the legends and stories about this holiday a couple of times before but today I thought I'd refresh my memory on where Halloween originated. Hallow meant sanctify in old English and many Christian religious traditions observe November 1st as All Hallows (now often called All Saints Day). Pope Boniface IV in the 7th century, believed that the best way to convert pagans was to supplant their pagan holidays with Christian ones so they created All Hallows on May 13th, as a day to celebrate all the saints and to replace the Roman pagan festival of the dead that was celebrated on February 21st, the end of the Roman year. Later another pope moved the date to November 1st to coincide with the Druid fire festival called "Samhain" (pronounced sow-een).

    The Druids were the high priests, scientists and poets of the Celtic culture (Ireland, Scotland & Wales) and the Celts called this celebration of the fire festival, Hallowe'en to honor the dead at the close of harvest and the beginning of winter (which back then was considered to last until May). Winter was also considered the time when faeries were most active. This belief evolved over time into the belief that it was the day when ghosts were able to mingle with the living. Even though the Roman Catholic Church tried to change the holiday to more honor the saints than the pagan beliefs, the Celts continued to celebrate it as the time when the dead and the supernatural wandered the earth.

    The tradition of trick or treating came from the custom of setting out gifts of food and drink to ward off the evil spirits. Over time, people began dressing up like these creatures and went "mumming" to obtain the food and drink. In England, soul cakes were placed outside the doors and people went "a'soulin." Other customs of the Samhain festival that continue to this day are bobbing for apples and drinking spiced cider.

    The Jack-o-lantern originated from a myth about a man named Stingy Jack who tricked the devil into agreeing he wouldn't go to hell when he died. After his death, heaven wouldn't let him in because he was too evil so he asked the devil to let him into hell. But the devil had to keep his promise so Stingy Jack had nowhere to go. The devil threw him an ember from the fires of hell to light his way as he wandered the world searching for a final resting place. Since Stingy Jack was always stealing turnips from the fields, he placed the ember into a carved out turnip and turned it into a lantern. It was the Irish who then started the custom of carving various vegetables (especially gourds) and placing them outside their doors to keep Stingy Jack from coming to their place on Hallow E'en. After they immigrated to America they realized pumpkins were much easier to carve and thus the modern custom began.

    Isn't it amazing how many customs and cultures were involved in the creation of this now very fun holiday. Tonight, I will don some outfit (nothing elaborate mind you) and head out to a party with friends. Now that I know the origins of this holiday I will offer food and drink to those I meet along the way, just in case they might be an evil spirit. Stay safe as you head out tonight for you never know what spirit might be watching you. Enjoy!

LAUGHTER, IT'S A NATURAL HIGH

    I read the following quote by Victor Hugo this morning. "Laughter is the sun that drives the winter from the human face."

    It reminded me how much I like to laugh and how I just don't do enough of it. I believe as we move from childhood to becoming an adult we lose most of our ability to laugh and we end up taking life way too seriously. When was the last time you had a good belly laugh? For me it was last week when my cat, Cayenne, lying quietly on the window sill watching the birds in the trees outside, became frightened by something (since she can't talk I don't know what it was) and sprang straight up in the air, as if she was a cartoon, landing simultaneously on all four paws before vaulting over me to get to the floor. Then, as if nothing happened, she slowly sauntered from the room. Not only was it great acrobatics, because she didn't knock a single thing off the sill, but it was all so unexpected. My laughter peeled through the room for several minutes and when I was finished I could feel the endorphins coursing through my veins. What a natural high. But that was a week ago and although I'm sure I've chuckled somewhere in all that forgotten time, I don't often have memorable laughs, because I spend way too much time taking life too seriously.

    Voltaire said: "God is a comedian playing to an audience who is too afraid to laugh." Maybe he was right, maybe we are just too afraid to allow ourselves to laugh at all the comedy life has to offer. So where does this fear come from? It is taught. From a very early age we are told to question and self regulate ourselves and to take life more seriously. The great persona I like to call either the Judge or the Critic is notorious in all of us for sitting on our shoulders, whispering in our ears and reminding us not to make a fool of ourselves. In this country I believe it stems from the dear Puritans (remember they were run out of England because of their extremist views) whose foundation extolled the virtues of being a serious, productive member of society and that too much laughter meant one was not working hard enough. Although there is truth in being a productive member of society, I think we've taken the virtue to an extreme.

    I'm sure there are other views as to why we take life too seriously and don't laugh enough. But whatever the reason, today is a reminder that I want to laugh more. So I'm going to make a more concerted effort to do just that. First, over the next few days, I'm going to gather up things that make me laugh, whether it be cartoons (Beetle Bailey), stories (there are a million of them on the internet), TV shows (Seinfeld), or movies (Airplane). Then I'm going to get out my infamous yellow sticky pad and place LAUGH around my house to remind me to seek out laughter.

    I'd love for you to share with me your stories and laughter ideas to help me not take life so seriously. As ee cummings said, "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." I plan not to waste another day.

YIPPEE FOR CONTRAST

    As a continuation of my discussion on contrast, this Colorado snowstorm is definitely a contrast for me. Not wanting to get out in this pretty, yet yucky weather, I tried to cancel my appointments yesterday but ended up going to the office for one client. So I donned my waterproof pants and coat and stomped out to clean 6 inches of snow off my car. Thank the heavens above for heated seats and mirrors. Then I slushed my way to work (with a side trip through Starbucks' drive-thru for a venti decaf latte, one of the finer perks of the cold weather). After my appointment I slushed home and parked my car back on the street (remember I can't get into my garage). Now this morning I may have to repeat this process unless, as I'm hoping, they close the office (they're predicting another 5-10 inches by tonight). Of course the downside to my impromptu day off is that I'm a contractor so I don't get paid if I don't work. But I prefer no money to going out in this snow.

    So what does this have to do with contrast? Well, this October snowstorm has shown me the contrast between what I don't want and what I do want. The drive to work this afternoon was my contrast as I realized enough is enough. I came to this land of 300 days of sunshine and numerous blizzards a year, because my husband was from here and he loved winter. But he's gone now, so why am I still here? The answer is because I haven't trusted in my higher power like I profess to believe. If I focus on the outcome, I'll find the answers on how to get what I want. And what do I want? I want warm weather. So somehow, someway, in the not too distant future, I'm going to morph back into a summer baby and move south again. In four weeks I will pull into Ft. Myers Beach, Florida for my three month snowbird stint. When I do I will start looking for the ways and means to make that part of the world my home and turn Colorado into my part-time spring and summer paradise. I have to trust that the answers will come.

    So I rejoice in the contrast of today's snow, for it reminds me of what I don't want and helps me focus on what I do want. If I want to live in the warm, then it's up to me to get there. Yippee for contrast!

PUTTING THE SKIDS ON THE SLIPPERY SLOPE

    Woke this morning to what sounded like my cat playing with cellophane. Turned out to be frozen precipitation blowing against my bedroom window. My first reaction was an all over body depression. Ugh, snow. Then my mind began to unravel all the reasons I hate snow. But I stopped myself. Because I've been down this slippery slope before and the only place it takes me is to my pity party where I spend hours and hours (and sometimes days and days) feeling miserable. So I took a deep breath, acknowledged the feelings invading my body and put the skids on the slippery slope. Then I chose a different route. I began counting my blessings. For I have many. I was thankful for the warm bed I was sleeping in. The furnace that kicks on when the temperature in my townhome drops below 70 degrees. The fireplace where I'm going to build my roaring fire this morning. The coffee I plan to drink lots of today.

    So why am I expounding upon all these items that have nothing to do with snow against my window? Because I believe it is our thoughts that create our feelings and we all have a choice on what we think. But I also believe it takes practice to keep from sliding down that slippery slope more than a few inches. So in case you're interested, here's how I put the skids on that slippery slope this morning. Step one: I took time to recognize what I was feeling to begin with. If I wasn't aware of the depression that was setting in over the snow I wouldn't be able to change it. Step two: I stopped the unwanted thought. I often literally say "Stop" out loud, or at least inside my head. I've told clients that if they can't stop it themselves at first, say "Sarah said to stop it," until they can. Step three: I picked a thought I wanted to replace the old one with. For me this morning, it was to create my gratitude list because that always makes me feel better. But I could also tell myself all the positive aspects of snow or pretend I was at the beach. I just have to pick any thought that makes me feel better than the one before. It doesn't have to be a thought that makes me feel joyous, any thought that makes me feel better than the original thought will move me in the right direction.

    I know this sounds easier than it is. But I've spent many years now using this technique. When I first started, I put sticky notes on my mirror and I used a watch that rang on the hour to remind me to stop and ask myself how I was feeling. Then if I didn't like my feeling, I would step through this process to change my thoughts. As I told a friend yesterday, I am now happy 98% of the time. Why? Because after years of spending maybe 50% of my time happy, I realized I like feeling happy so why not do what it takes to be happy. Today I did what it takes. I stepped through this process and it worked. So if you find yourself on the downhill side of the slippery slope today, I hope one of your choices will be to try this technique and see if you too can begin to put the skids on your downward trajectory and choose to head towards happiness instead.